RePost

a couple of weeks ago i met up with shannon for a beer and a bowl of soup. i was wearing my lumberjacket, with ice skates thrown over my shoulder, and she was still in professional work clothes. we made a handsome couple. over the course of the evening we entertained each other with stories of things that men have done that made us sigh. things that aren't necessarily mean or malicious, just dumb enough for us to think "why did you even bother?". there was a lot of eye rolling.

i came home and wrote "an open letter to men," which i posted immediately. it wasn't bold or groundbreaking. the incidents didn't all happen to me. regardless, in the short amount of time it was up i received some seriously negative feedback.

after some reflection and time spent re-reading the letter i took the post down. i was unsure if it actually had my intended tone and i was confused about the anger it had incurred. i've since decided that the negative comments were unfairly directed at me, and that i don't give a what anyway. so below you will find my "open letter to men", edited because i wanted to.


dear men,

how are you? its been a while since we had a good conversation and i thought maybe we should catch up. i think that an open dialogue would serve us both well, because lately i've been feeling like we have been getting our wires crossed. no, you haven't done anything to offend me personally, don't worry. in fact, i'm feeling relatively unscathed but there are rumours circulating about your behaviour and i am worried. just looking out for you is all.

i heard you finally said "i love you" to someone! congratulations. i guess it would have been more meaningful if you meant it, but then again maybe not? i don't know. i'm just thinking that, for future reference, maybe you should limit your bold declarations to the appropriate recipient. it turns out that it can be hurtful to be on the receiving end of an "i love you" only to find out (via MySpace) that the man who "loves you" already has a girlfriend. funny that.

and men, remember the time that you told me that you were planning on cheating on your girlfriend? sure, we aren't together anymore so it has no direct bearing on my life, and i do think your new lady is a bit of a douchebag, but still, you are getting a bad rep and things like this don't help.

you might not have realized this, but the 3am text invitation for a drink was also a bit problematic. i'm not saying it wasn't nice to be thought of at that time of morning but my honest(and foolish) first reaction was of genuine concern for you. i leapt to the conclusion that you had just endured a terrible breakup. we don't often hang out, and we never drink together, so i assumed that a text to go for a drink, at a time when you can't legally go for a drink, might involve more than drinking. it turned out that you really did just want a "drinking buddy." thats cool. and i'm sure your girlfriend would have been cool with it too.

finally, i thought that maybe we could take a moment to address how public and accessible your life is. so think before you send naked pictures of yourself over the internet to a girl that isn't your girlfriend.

men, i am not grumpy with you, and i do appreciate how you have always treated me quite well, but sometimes your actions make me sigh. i thought that maybe if i put my feelings out there we could sort out why you act like this.

i hope this letter finds you in good spirits,

sarah kogon