Getting Involved

i have been staring at this blank screen for about 30 minutes. half an hour spent beginning sentences and then erasing them, mulling over different themes and subsequently discarding them. this time permeated only by imdb searches requested by my roommate, but nothing of substance has come from this. well, i know that sulu from star trek is american and the guy from heroes was born in lancashire. useless.

but i'm certain that a theme will develop from this rambling. and if it doesn't then i can still be satisfied knowing that i have given my mom the post she was requesting earlier this evening.

it could be argued that i should never force a post. to do something that doesn't come easily, that is difficult, fundamentally goes against my new years resolution. i am only supposed to do what i feel like right? but therein lies the paradox, i am also supposed to be getting more involved. sometimes those are contradictory motives.

i guess i could just write about what it means to get involved, as this has been a point of contention this past week. a friend of mine maintains that just joining in on other people's plans isn't really getting involved, as it required no thought of my own. i disagree. and to back up my claim i will return to the time when that phrase was introduced into my life.

when i lived in wales i had a friend named patrick. an american, a scammer, and the blackest white-boy from connecticut that i will ever meet. this guy managed to score a warden's flat on the waterfront, with his own kitchen and living area, while the rest of us were holed up in tiny dorm rooms (for the same price). he managed to scam his way into britain on an expired visa more than once. he was a legend. it was in his flat that i first "got involved".

patrick was generous with his living quarters and would frequently host parties for the interpol kids. he would throw people birthday parties, fancy dress parties, and lots of beer pong parties. i was usually called in as part of the clean-up crew, but it was worth it because the events were fantastic. but patrick would never invite people over. he would just decide he was doing something and then tell people to get involved. it was bossy but i loved it.

i began to incorporate the term into my own vernacular and i appreciated its simplicity: something is going on and i can be part of it. my attendence is not required, the event will occur whether i am there or not, but the option of participating is on the table. honestly though, my favourite part is that i am not the one that comes up with the plan.

i recognize that for most people "showing up" is not an accomplishment. but i am not most people. i like skipping out on things and i am more inclined to do something on my own rather than ask people to join me. and it isn't that uncommon for me to bail on things if i sense that i may end up feeling awkward. this is what the resolution is about.

i have made some real progress on this front. just this week i have signed on to a concert that i know little about (but don't worry m, i am listening and learning - i will be prepared), and got someone else involved as well! i accepted an invitation to a friday night dinner at the home of my sister's friend's parents, whom i had never met. only minor awkwardness ensued (apparently my ability to read hebrew is sub-par) but not enough to discourage me from continuing on this path. in fact, i will be having another dinner with jews this weekend. huge.

i feel pretty good about my level of involvedness and i think that i have done a decent job of keeping this resolution. i don't think i will ever be a social facilitator, just the thought of it makes me cringe, but if i consistently go out and take part in things that are going on i think i am doing ok. if i am there i am involved.