kogon's blog

My Brain Has Melted

2007-03-18T18:18:00.000-04:00

i am having a really lazy day and i am not proud of this. but, on the other hand, since i had a really productive saturday i am not feeling too much regret either. and really, what other choice does one have when "the hills" marathon is on MTV? no, seriously, there were at least 137 things i could have done today that had more value than following the antics of heidi and LC but in the end i was sucked in.

right now i am watching "Canada's Next Great Prime Minister" and loving it. not because i think any of these young people will actually take on the role but i am again reminded of how great this country is, despite the very real flaws that we hear about so often on the news.

over the past 48 hours i have watched two documentaries, "Jesus Camp" and "Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch's War on Terrorism". both left me feeling nauseous, for a number of different reasons, but mostly because i felt like something has going terribly wrong in america and i doubt things are going to turn around any time soon. to make a long story short, evangelical christians and the fox news network are working together to ruin america and the world. apparently the way it works is that stupid people watch fox news and believe the lies, then they pull their children out of the public school system and indoctrinate them to be the christian soldiers of the future. well, maybe it isn't exactly like that ...

which brings me back to the CBC. i should be clear that this isn't the part of the post where i go into some political diatribe about the CRTC, or the decline of the CBC, or even the value of a national broadcaster. no, this is where i feel an unusual sense of pride watching former prime ministers joke about penises and then follow-up with poignant questions about national security. and, even more, i appreciate that a person can go on national television and boldly question the past and present policies of our leaders without it being deemed "uncanadian" or being told to shut up (i shake my fist at you bill o'reilly!). having said that, the guy that quoted Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in a comparison of the israeli occupation of palestine to the canadian treatment of natives was not met with the most favourable response. obviously.

it is painfully clear that i have watched too much television today. literally. i am actually feeling pain in my face. i'm going to go take the CBC "Test the Nation" quiz and see how much my IQ has dropped.

Things I Smelled On My Way Home From Work

2007-02-27T17:53:00.000-05:00

homeless man
my uncle steven
pipe
scotland
matzah brie
tar
whimsy

Reading Week 2007

2007-02-25T20:42:00.000-05:00

it is a weird feeling to be more stressed at the end of a holiday than the beginning. and this isn't the usual "bracing for the return to work" stress, this is literally the fallout from my past week.

i love my family and i love our trips and this was no exception. we did all the wintery things that an imaginary sitcom family would do during a week in quebec: shopping in montreal, cross-country skiing, ice skating, glissade, downhill skiing, eating fondue in front of the fire ... seriously, we are ridiculous. so why do i feel like i would have been better off emotionally had i stayed in ontario?

things started off well. i went to kingston for a night to get myself organized and pack up my winter stuff, most of which still lives in my parents house. my mom and i hit the gym on saturday morning and we drove to montreal in the afternoon. i was made fun of repeatedly for wearing a skirt over leggings. it was awesome.

we just shopped and hung out in montreal on sunday and drove to st. sauveur in the late afternoon. the chalet was great and i nearly beat my dad at scrabble.

things took a minor turn for the worse monday afternoon. after repeatedly stating that i wanted to have a relatively easy cross-country ski day we ended up doing a 10 km trail that varied between blue and black. as did my bottom by the end of it. i mean, when the options are hitting a tree or taking the dive you take the dive, if only because your new x-country skis are so pretty. to be honest it wasn't so bad until the last hill which was literally the bottom of an old downhill trail. i thought i gave myself another concussion and then cried for about an hour and a half.

tuesday was a pretty relaxed day. i went to the spa for a massage and then we just slept and hung out for most of the afternoon. by this point in the week my family had already compiled a pretty long list of "things sarah doesn't like". if i ever feel like being publicly ridiculed i will post it. apparently my dislike of underbites is unreasonable.

wednesday was awesome, for the most part. we went to l'esterel to skate on the 8km track they made on the lake. the weather was perfect and we had a couple of hours in the afternoon to glissade (tubing down a hill: the lazy man's toboggan). my sister's boyfriend came up that night and stayed for the rest of the trip.

do you remember that sesame street song about belonging? you know "three of these things belong together, three of these things are kind of the same". yeah, i was the one that did not "belong there". usually when i am the 7th wheel it is because i am hanging out with my married friends and it isn't such a big deal. being trapped in a cabin with three couples is total balls. i had to consciously tell myself that "it is ok to be single". how lame is that???

we went downhill skiing on thursday and left on friday. i stayed in kingston that night to do my laundry and teach my mom how to use her new iPod. it was ok being back in toronto on saturday and apart from nearly getting in the middle of a crack-addict fight in kensington market i had a fun night out. but things took another turn this morning.

we had a party for my grandfather's 85th birthday today. i should clarify that i use the term "party" loosely because it wasn't fun. my family is full of characters and this is both a blessing and a curse. the conversations were as varied as the technicalities of certain jewish laws to how my grandfather accidentally took my dad to the strippers when he was young. my grandmother sat me down to tell me that my aunt was angry with me about a comment i made a couple of years ago and, in the same breath, sighed and said that she really wanted to be alive for my wedding. i had no response.

now i am just lying in bed recovering. dreaming of becoming a recluse.

Reasons Why This Is A Good Morning Already

2007-02-14T08:07:00.000-05:00

1. i woke up to a thick blanket of snow. the kogons are hitting quebec next week for a winter vacation and now i am starting to get excited!

2. i put my iPod on shuffle and both Justin Timberlake and Kelly Clarkson were played on the subway ride.

3. i saw two people standing at the blustery corner of yonge and bloor selling bouquets of dead flowers. i think that shows a real commitment to antivalentinesdayism.

4. i saw someone in inappropriate footwear fall into the gutter at the corner of bay and bloor.

awesome.

Getting Involved

2007-02-05T21:36:00.000-05:00

i have been staring at this blank screen for about 30 minutes. half an hour spent beginning sentences and then erasing them, mulling over different themes and subsequently discarding them. this time permeated only by imdb searches requested by my roommate, but nothing of substance has come from this. well, i know that sulu from star trek is american and the guy from heroes was born in lancashire. useless.

but i'm certain that a theme will develop from this rambling. and if it doesn't then i can still be satisfied knowing that i have given my mom the post she was requesting earlier this evening.

it could be argued that i should never force a post. to do something that doesn't come easily, that is difficult, fundamentally goes against my new years resolution. i am only supposed to do what i feel like right? but therein lies the paradox, i am also supposed to be getting more involved. sometimes those are contradictory motives.

i guess i could just write about what it means to get involved, as this has been a point of contention this past week. a friend of mine maintains that just joining in on other people's plans isn't really getting involved, as it required no thought of my own. i disagree. and to back up my claim i will return to the time when that phrase was introduced into my life.

when i lived in wales i had a friend named patrick. an american, a scammer, and the blackest white-boy from connecticut that i will ever meet. this guy managed to score a warden's flat on the waterfront, with his own kitchen and living area, while the rest of us were holed up in tiny dorm rooms (for the same price). he managed to scam his way into britain on an expired visa more than once. he was a legend. it was in his flat that i first "got involved".

patrick was generous with his living quarters and would frequently host parties for the interpol kids. he would throw people birthday parties, fancy dress parties, and lots of beer pong parties. i was usually called in as part of the clean-up crew, but it was worth it because the events were fantastic. but patrick would never invite people over. he would just decide he was doing something and then tell people to get involved. it was bossy but i loved it.

i began to incorporate the term into my own vernacular and i appreciated its simplicity: something is going on and i can be part of it. my attendence is not required, the event will occur whether i am there or not, but the option of participating is on the table. honestly though, my favourite part is that i am not the one that comes up with the plan.

i recognize that for most people "showing up" is not an accomplishment. but i am not most people. i like skipping out on things and i am more inclined to do something on my own rather than ask people to join me. and it isn't that uncommon for me to bail on things if i sense that i may end up feeling awkward. this is what the resolution is about.

i have made some real progress on this front. just this week i have signed on to a concert that i know little about (but don't worry m, i am listening and learning - i will be prepared), and got someone else involved as well! i accepted an invitation to a friday night dinner at the home of my sister's friend's parents, whom i had never met. only minor awkwardness ensued (apparently my ability to read hebrew is sub-par) but not enough to discourage me from continuing on this path. in fact, i will be having another dinner with jews this weekend. huge.

i feel pretty good about my level of involvedness and i think that i have done a decent job of keeping this resolution. i don't think i will ever be a social facilitator, just the thought of it makes me cringe, but if i consistently go out and take part in things that are going on i think i am doing ok. if i am there i am involved.

RePost

2007-01-27T08:57:00.000-05:00

a couple of weeks ago i met up with shannon for a beer and a bowl of soup. i was wearing my lumberjacket, with ice skates thrown over my shoulder, and she was still in professional work clothes. we made a handsome couple. over the course of the evening we entertained each other with stories of things that men have done that made us sigh. things that aren't necessarily mean or malicious, just dumb enough for us to think "why did you even bother?". there was a lot of eye rolling.

i came home and wrote "an open letter to men," which i posted immediately. it wasn't bold or groundbreaking. the incidents didn't all happen to me. regardless, in the short amount of time it was up i received some seriously negative feedback.

after some reflection and time spent re-reading the letter i took the post down. i was unsure if it actually had my intended tone and i was confused about the anger it had incurred. i've since decided that the negative comments were unfairly directed at me, and that i don't give a what anyway. so below you will find my "open letter to men", edited because i wanted to.

dear men,

how are you? its been a while since we had a good conversation and i thought maybe we should catch up. i think that an open dialogue would serve us both well, because lately i've been feeling like we have been getting our wires crossed. no, you haven't done anything to offend me personally, don't worry. in fact, i'm feeling relatively unscathed but there are rumours circulating about your behaviour and i am worried. just looking out for you is all.

i heard you finally said "i love you" to someone! congratulations. i guess it would have been more meaningful if you meant it, but then again maybe not? i don't know. i'm just thinking that, for future reference, maybe you should limit your bold declarations to the appropriate recipient. it turns out that it can be hurtful to be on the receiving end of an "i love you" only to find out (via MySpace) that the man who "loves you" already has a girlfriend. funny that.

and men, remember the time that you told me that you were planning on cheating on your girlfriend? sure, we aren't together anymore so it has no direct bearing on my life, and i do think your new lady is a bit of a douchebag, but still, you are getting a bad rep and things like this don't help.

you might not have realized this, but the 3am text invitation for a drink was also a bit problematic. i'm not saying it wasn't nice to be thought of at that time of morning but my honest(and foolish) first reaction was of genuine concern for you. i leapt to the conclusion that you had just endured a terrible breakup. we don't often hang out, and we never drink together, so i assumed that a text to go for a drink, at a time when you can't legally go for a drink, might involve more than drinking. it turned out that you really did just want a "drinking buddy." thats cool. and i'm sure your girlfriend would have been cool with it too.

finally, i thought that maybe we could take a moment to address how public and accessible your life is. so think before you send naked pictures of yourself over the internet to a girl that isn't your girlfriend.

men, i am not grumpy with you, and i do appreciate how you have always treated me quite well, but sometimes your actions make me sigh. i thought that maybe if i put my feelings out there we could sort out why you act like this.

i hope this letter finds you in good spirits,

sarah kogon

You're Really Little

2007-01-14T22:08:00.000-05:00

we finally have snow! not a lot, and i bet it will melt, but i was pretty stoked when i left the house this morning and the temperature was below zero. maybe i will actually be able to use my new cross-country skis this season.

i went shopping for a bridesmaid dress yesterday morning. the dress we are getting is really nice and it is unfortunate that i will only wear it once. what i'm thinking is that we (and by "we" i mean all women who have purchased a single-use dress) need an event to re-wear these garments. some sort of fancy-dress party to show off our party clothes. i think that if i planned events that would be a good theme.

i crashed out for most of the afternoon then headed to allie's for another girls night! wine, dinner, charades, then out dancing. somehow we ended up at the brant house, which was fine until i properly looked around and realized that i absolutely loathe that place. i wasn't even intimidated by the posers, i was just annoyed (although, arguably, intimidated might have been the more appropriate sentiment).

we had a discussion earlier in the evening about the ambiguous comments that people make to us, and how best to deal with them. i have had a number of strangers comment on my size recently and at first i didn't really know what to say, but i have decided that i am now going to interpret any questionable statement as a compliment. here are some sample conversations:

person 1: wow, you are really little
me: thanks

person 2: ride safe and godspeed
me: and to you
person 2: that was very medieval
me: thanks

it works in any situation and you never have to think about what the appropriate response really is.

i felt surprisingly good when i woke up so shannon and i hit cheese magic after brunch. man i love that place, and i barely like cheese. we were made uncomfortable by a crack dealer on our way to kensington but thankfully the one-armed chinese man smoothed the situation over. i hate when my naive little bubble gets broken by crackheads and public drug deals but i will still frequent kensington, if only for the glorious cheese shop.

and happy birthday mom! xoxox

Chucking the Moon

2007-01-10T22:26:00.000-05:00

it may be a little late to be discussing new years resolutions (yeah, i know ... i suck at posting) but this year i've made one (with shannon) that i am sure is going to stick: do whatever i want, whenever i want.

two questions should immediately pop into your head: 1. how is that possibly a resolution? and 2. how is that different than how you have been leading your frivolous life up to this point?

i will address your hypothetical questions as follows.

it is totally an action plan. i no longer have an excuse for not doing something because i have to do what i want, when i want to do it. i suppose this only works because i have the least addictive personality on earth. i have, in the past, consciously made the decision to increase my level of self-destructive activites and those decisions never stick. i always end up "taking a break" or "forgetting that i was going to drink more" and realize that i just can't be bothered.

so now, when i feel like doing something that catches my fancy, i have no excuse not to. this is a great resolution!

and how is it different than my earlier life? well, now that i have officially resolved to get involved i can no longer just passively be incorporated into the plans made by others ... i have to actually make the things i want to do happen. this is huge. particularly since i loathe planning things. and i kinda suck at it.

it is only january 10th but i am going to give you a brief synopsis of the things i have done since the new year that fall in line with this resolution:

1. gave my card to a boy with a moustache
2. organized a girls night, centred around a game of saucy charades
3. went on a solo ice-skating mission
4. went trail-running in a downpour
5. attempted to explore a new neighbourhood in toronto (ended up in forest hill village)

yeah, i'm hardcore.

And I Leapt From The Loading Dock ...

2007-01-02T18:39:00.000-05:00

going back to work after a long holiday sucks. and going back on tuesday january 2 is the worst. tuesday is known as the worst day of the week and i definitely did not have enough time to recover from the new years festivities. but it was pretty much worth it.

the first two stops of the evening were fairly reminiscent of new years 2005. we started off at shannon's and then went to the 'dress for sex' party at mercedes' loft. but where 2005 had 70s porn playing on a 70s tv in the corner, 2006 had new porn projected onto a wall. somewhat more unsettling actually. i don't remember anything scandalous happening but, porn aside, it was a good party. we rang in the new year at the loft before shannon, kalen and i made our way to the last gathering of the evening.

across town was another loft party that shannon had heard about, so we got into a cab and headed to regent park. i forget the name of the guy who was hosting the party but i walked in to see jamie brand standing there with his girlfriend. i hung out with him for a bit then ran into a couple of other people from my youth. it was quite the reunion.

at some point we ended up outside on the balcony (which may have also been a loading dock). i was talking to jo peters when kalen caught my attention. she said to me "this guy thinks you are really little" and i looked over to see the most glorious moustache of all time. a dynamite moustache on a dynamite dude. we talked canadian history for a bit, you know, the classics: tupper, levesque, the rebellions of 1837. it might have been love. i wish i knew his name.

i was pretty much in my own world for most of that party and i wasn't too bothered when we decided to leave. it was late and kalen's dogs were barking. we were walking to catch a cab and k and i were just spinning yarns and laughing when shannon sternly told us to be quiet and march. i wasn't really paying attention but apperently there were regent park hobos coming out of the shadows thriller-style. i became concerned when the catcalls started but we found a taxi and drove off into the night!

here are some pictures of the night:

sak's Q4 report

2006-12-21T23:55:00.000-05:00

this final quarter of "the year that was mine" has finally drawn to a close and all i can say is "roses and thorns" (or "highs and lows" - if you didn't go to camp).

i think that this may have been my best quarter yet, even though there are few tales of debauchery. this is probably a weird comment to make but i have never felt more like myself than i do now, even though nothing has fundamentally changed. maybe it is that i no longer give a what about stuff that i used to dwell on, and i'm fine just doing my own thing.

i managed to keep myself fairly busy, which meant my blogging suffered, and my solid readership of 12 people has diminished, but what can you do? it didn't help that i got involved in facebook this quarter.

i had the best/worst roommate for two months. he paid rent and slept in the apartment once. to say the least i was ecstatic when daniel moved in. now i have someone to make me tea and wake me up drunkenly at 2.30 in the morning to discuss the tragedy that is liverpool drawing barcelona in the champions league.

my health suffered a bit this quarter but now that i know what i am allergic to (or theoretically allergic to) i should be fine. i had a couple of minor illnesses but nothing that some free samples from the walk-in clinic couldn't cure. maybe one of my goals for the new year should be to find myself a doctor in toronto.

boys? yeah, no. nothing on that front.

i haven't done too much travelling since september. i hit montreal, which was a high point this fall, but not too much else. i went to a couple of shows around toronto which were really good. i had an old man sit next to me in a basically empty theatre during Shortbus which was awkward, but reminiscent of my younger years. i have cultivated my talent for eye-fucking. and i've read some really good books (What is the What, by Dave Eggers ... get involved).

umm, what else? mostly i have spent this quarter in the company of close friends really just enjoying the city and getting on with things. i turned 27 on the 10th and rumour has it that 27 is a good year. i'm not going to get too worked up about it because i don't want the pressure, but i figure that if things keep going in this direction i'll be fine.

It's My Birthday - Thanks For Getting Involved

2006-12-10T20:15:00.000-05:00

today is my birthday. this means a few things:

1. i am now in my late twenties ... this was marked most clearly when i DIDN'T get carded at the liquor store ... 27 and finally able to buy tequila in a hassle-free environment

2. it is time for the SAK Inc year-end report. this will be completed when i am less tired and more able to focus on things that aren't television-related.

3. i need to set some goals for the new year. and this is the year when i actually achieve some of these goals. if you have any suggestions for things that i can aim for i am all ears!

and in the spirit of laziness i'm not posting any pictures on the blog right now so, if you are at all interested in looking at pictures from last night, you can either wait until i get my act together or get involved with facebook and check out the photo album there.

thanks to mark and melissa for hosting the best BirChristmUkah Warming party i've been to in ages and to everyone who came out!

and thanks to ricky gervais for creating the show Extras, which has entertained me for hours today.

Unbelievable ...

2006-11-30T18:49:00.000-05:00

to all of you naysayers that have been mocking me for the past couple of years:

it finally happened. i was jabbed in the neck on my way home from work by an umbrella.

yeah thats right, my feelings have been confirmed.

on a side-note, this sentiment does not apply to when shannon sneak-protects me or when dashing men unknowingly hold umbrellas over my head at intersections.

Early Morning Rage

2006-11-22T09:05:00.000-05:00

my morning got off to a rousing start when i checked my email. allie is in dubai right now visiting robin and sent one of those innocuous emails just saying that she got there ok and pointed out some of the more glaring differences between our two countries. her last point was about something i already knew, but had forgotten.

apparently they have, in a most literal sense, wiped israel off the map. it just doesn't exist. and robin, as a teacher in an american school, is not allowed to talk about israel to her students. this got me riled up on my way to work this morning.

i find the conceptual elimination of a whole country (a country full of "the enemy" mind you) to be counter-productive. i narrowed this down to two ways to look at the situation, both resulting in the same conclusion.

the first is that if you actively detest something, and want to indoctrinate children to feel the same, doesn't it make sense to actively hold it up as an example of pure evil? tough to do if you can neither hear nor speak of it.

the second option is that you don't, in fact, want to indoctrinate the children, you don't want to talk about it, you just want the whole thing to be a non-issue. then why not just leave israel on the map and not talk about it? i grew up in a school that was chock full of maps, with all the countries, and i never gave a rats about any of them unless a teach drew our attention to the relevant area.

and i know the practice of redrawing boundaries is not necessarily uncommon but i find the whole thing annoying. stop living in a dreamworld of magic and just deal with whatever issues you have.

i was trying to relate the whole thing to my own personal sentiments and all i could come up with was drawing a map of the world that eliminated switzerland. i don't like switzerland; i find it to be the creepy uncle of europe. its like the european union invited everyone to a party and switzerland RSVP'd no, but showed up anyway and just stood in a corner lurking. seedy underbelly.

but i would never advocate for the elimination of switzerland from my maps. and not just because the hole in the middle of europe would be hard to explain, or because its not my place to divide and allocate the land to switzerland's neighbours, but because it does not, fundamentally, make sense to pretend your enemies don't exist.

The Birth of a Hipster Gargoyle

2006-11-13T20:30:00.000-05:00

theoretically my sister and i love getting crunk. we've planned on getting crunk at home, on family vacations, during the high holy days, during lower holy days and pretty much every other time we see each other. most recently we planned on getting crunk at a local country bar near a dairy. we never get crunk.

but i went to visit her in montreal last weekend and we figured that it was about time. so finally, on saturday night, my sister and i drank together. what a bonding experience. just me, my sister, and four 20-year old boys playing video games. it was awesome.

i do love montreal though and the weekend was really fun, despite the weather. it was that miserable 5 degree rain for the whole weekend. kind of like the first month i lived in scotland, but with nourishment. we hung out with some of her friends, went to a really bad party for literally 12 minutes, and i got to play mario kart. i suck at mario kart. good times all around!

shannon had given me a goal for the weekend which was not to come to fruition. but thats ok because my sister would have been hideously embarrassed if i pulled one of her friends. and, to be honest, i would have probably been embarassed in the long run too. it just means that i am never going to make my quota for the quarter. thats cool, i don't really roll like that anyway.

tomorrow is tuesday, the worst day of the week. i am going to go to bed, read some chuck klosterman, and mentally prepare myself for the day.

A Big Horse? No, A Small House

2006-11-07T07:59:00.000-05:00

i haven't posted in a while so i'm going to try to ease back into it.

last night i went to the cut chemist show with matt and tyler. it was so good, even though i'm not entirely sure why. amongst other things, i'm not terribly knowledgable about dj's and what makes one better than another, but i will say that i was mesmerized by the show he put on. somehow his turntables were controlling the video that was playing behind him and, yeah, it was awesome.

i really liked the guys that opened up the show but the boys were making fun of them and, again, i'm not entirely sure why. that was pretty much the gist of the night for me. the guys would talk about stuff i've never heard of and i would either zone out or pretend i knew what the eff was going on. hinterlands who's who? tell me more ...

but thats cool, there are lots of times when i am just pretending to know whats going on. the important thing is that i get involved.

Sleep Deprivation Kicking In

2006-10-22T18:59:00.000-04:00

my mom posted a comment on my last post that has caused a bit of a stir in certain circles. as a follow-up she has asked me to clarify to my birding friends that she does, in fact, support all bird-related activities but was wanting more information about my actual life and less information about the theoretical battle between a robot and a militia bird.

and, not to belabour the point, i'm still not sure who would win in that particular fight.

i'm having a hard time writing right now. i'm running on very few hours of sleep and going out four nights in a row has taken its toll. and it probably hasn't helped that i was given a link to a website on which i can stream television shows so i have watched more hours of scrubs today than any one person ever should. i haven't been outside yet. not a good sign.

this is not an ideal time for me to be spinning yarns about the relatively tame saga that is my life, so the rest of this post will be in list form.

Things That Have Captured My Fancy:
1. Chuck Klosterman: came out with a new book called IV. my literary crush is back with a vengeance!
2. Owls: my favourite bird of prey.
3. Belinda Stronach: kind of loving the latest Parliamentary drama.
4. Facebook: it really is kool to be a kogon.
5. 2nd Husbands: easier to land than a first!

Things I Am Over:
1. Personality Testing: not fun when they tell you that you may be an a-hole
2. Inconsistent Friends: whats the point?
3. Rain: sweet jesus, will it ever end?

And In Other Bird-Related News ...

2006-10-14T10:51:00.000-04:00

'Tis The Season

2006-10-06T19:27:00.000-04:00

i only have a couple of minutes to write this but i thought i should commemorate the beginning of the end of the Jewish holiday season with a post. and how do Jews celebrate? parties with booze and gifts? oh no ... lets try prayer, fasting and, uh, more prayer. awesome.

but now its sukkot. the jewish thanksgiving if you will. its a harvest festival and so one would imagine a feast of plenty. yeah, almost. try spending a week eating in a hut. a hut you ask, is that practical in this climate? well, no, but to be fair its only almost a hut. lets try a three-walled structure with no roof. sweet.

obviously i will not be partaking in the full 8-day glory of this festival but tonight i will eat a dinner essentially outside as the temperature plunges to 3 degrees celcius with my orthodox relatives. and at least its the sabbath so our food will only be lukewarm.

alright, gotta go ... need to find my snowsuit to make this evening bearable.

Living in Blinderville: Growing up with Asperger's

2006-09-27T22:40:00.000-04:00

alright people, lets not dwell on the umbrella. we are approximately a hundred years away from this situation actually being relevant. and shannon and i have the reason for this: a mild case of asperger's.

it's remarkable to think that my interactions with members of the opposite sex could be categorized by a clinical diagnosis but i think at times its true. we were reminiscing about my younger years, and the sheer ridiculousness of my behaviour in certain situations, and there was almost no way to account for my reactions without them being attributed them to some sort of mild disorder.

instead of offering up the best example of my social ineptitude (which is hard to pick and would inevitably be embarassing) i am just going to give you a recent example. picture the scene: james' 30th birthday party. there were loads of people, most of whom we (shannon, daniel, paula and i) didn't know, so we were doing our best to mingle. sleo's eye was caught by one of james' friends and they immediately hit it off. a couple of people mentioned to me that the guy had a girlfriend and i promptly tucked that gem of information away into storage. as the night was winding down we all left and daniel decided that we needed to go for chinese on spadina. we didn't want to walk so daniel, paula and i jumped into a cab and said g'night to shannon and her new friend.

only then, in the cab as we were driving away, was i prompted by daniel to inform shannon of the girlfriend, so i sent what may go down in history as my worst text of all time: he has a girlfriend. meet us for chinese.

i think shannon was so confused that she couldn't be mad. and thus began the mission to figure out just how my brain really works. why didn't i tell her about the girlfriend when i heard about it? why would i leave her in a potentially awkward situation? why would i send a text, almost immediately after leaving her in said awkward situation, exposing the girlfriend? and why would i ditch her to get chinese, and then tell her to come get chinese?

i had no satisfactory answers. i would never try to do anything malicious but my actions, or inactions, could have potentially led to some very hurt feelings.

last night we were mulling this over and it was decided that my brain just doesn't process information the way a normal person's does. key bits of information get lost and my attention is typically focused on bizarre details ... or nothing at all. as a result i am typically surprised when i debrief with people after my nights out because, for all intents and purposes, we could have been in totally different places. and there is a chance that i have missed out on some decent opportunities for fun.

so shannon and i are working on a new game plan. it involves taking the blinders off and thinking about other ways a situation could be interpreted, apart from the first conclusion that i would normally jump to. the plan goes into action saturday night so i'll keep you all informed.

Shana Tova

2006-09-26T21:04:00.000-04:00

i've been in a contemplative mood for the past few days. its probably not such a bad thing since i am currently in the ten days between rosh hashanah and yom kippur, and i am supposed to be thinking about all the bad things i did last year. its not a fire and brimstone sort of deal (or not the way my rabbi laid it out on saturday) but more of a "lets try to do better next year" sort of thing. i'm comfortable with that.

the problem is that i don't really feel bad enough about the stuff i did last year. my siblings and i sat around the kitchen table on saturday morning running through the ten commandments, comparing our sins, and even though i broke a fair number of them i don't feel as bad as i should, which is why i've been mulling over the whole thing. i didn't murder anyone and i didn't build any idols and i didn't really commit adultery. and the other ones are really hard not to break. i mean, who has time to keep the sabbath day holy anymore? and stealing clothes from your little sister ... is that really stealing? i guess the lord will decide on the judgment day but i'm fairly confident that i won't be smote this year ... pride before the fall???

anyway, the weekend was pretty good. good food, good company, i got a good haircut and there was a pretty decent shofar blowing (minus the tekiah gedolah which was kinda balls). and i have decided that not being recognized is both a blessing and a curse. it is a bit awkward when you say hello to someone who has, literally, known you since birth and they don't know who you are but, at the same time, i got to avoid talking to loads of people that i didn't want to speak to because they didn't recognize me! and although i find it a bit unnerving when people tell me that i don't look like anyone in my immediate family i take comfort in the pictures of my maternal grandmother who i am a mini-clone of. at least i know who my mother is! (just joking pops!).

i went to the red hot chili peppers concert last night with melissa. i wasn't expecting much as i had heard mixed reviews from people who had seen them before but i was very pleasantly surprised. they put on a great show and even though i tend not to like large venues it was really fun.

i think i am going to go shower and get ready for bed. i want to get a really good sleep tonight. i keep having weird dreams about people that i don't really want to dream about, in situations that i don't really want to be in, and then i wake up all in a state. and tomorrow i'm supposed to run with shannon and then go out for a drink after. as shannon put it "shit yo, i got me a burberry brolly comin my way." here's hoping!

Socks in the City

2006-09-18T22:04:00.000-04:00

i'm not sure why i am making another reference to sex and the city when i neither make good use of the city nor do i really have sex. and yeah, i can mention that in a blog that my parents read since it is less racy than our dinner conversation last weekend. but i can't think of a more appropriate title to summarize this weekend than "socks in the city".

i was so excited to have a weekend in toronto. i was going to be SO productive. i was going to buy a new outfit for the holidays and i was going to read the paper and i was going to sleep and i was going to clean. it was a glorious dream. it was not to be.

friday night was a low-key but fun girls night at shannons. we just hung out and squawked and i really was home at a reasonable hour. asleep a little after midnight i was totally ready to meet kalen at h&m at 10 on saturday. i didn't get too dressed up because i anticipated being home by the early afternoon to set my plan into action. one single phone call changed everything.

i was in sporting life, checking out the runners when sleo called me. "daniel told me to tell you to call him" she said in a quasi-monotonous tone. "why didn't he call me himself and what are you doing?" i replied. "i just got my hair did and he doesn't have your number" was her response.

from the time i met daniel to the time he dropped me off the following occured, in chronological order: running room, puma store, new balance store, yorkdale (shoes; watches; fcuk), eaton centre (shoes; watches; fcuk), mr greenjean, my house, scruffy's, rose and crown, unicorn, my house, scallywags (liverpool v chelsea; arsenal v man u), foot locker, aldo, eaton centre (indigo; fcuk; shoes; lululemon), home. 27 hours of hanging out and i bought nothing. remarkable really.

daniel and i didn't fight nearly as much this weekend as at the cottage but we were never called upon to charade anything either. and our teams weren't playing each other. he did, however, ruin entourage for me which i am still pretty upset about. man, i got the boy into the show and he turned around and broke my heart with it.

shannon and i went for a run tonight for the exercise and the chance to debrief. the run was good, the rain was kinda balls and the debrief was great. she analyzed my weekend and determined that daniel and i are like a married couple that has been together so long that we don't have sex anymore. i love it. what i didn't love was riding the subway in my wet running clothes. thats when the shaking started. i can't even tell you how nice my shower was but in a more practical sense i think it warded off the hypothermia that was about to kick in. now i'm going to curl up and sleep! woohoo!

and mom, charlotte was the proper dark-haired one (kristin davis) and samantha was the slut (kim cattrall).

sak's Q3 report

2006-09-14T21:13:00.000-04:00

i was busy on september 10th. i've been busy for weeks. if all goes according to plan i will continue to be busy until i have regular access to both a couch and a tv. what i am trying to say to my shareholders right now is that my lack of official post to mark the end of q3 can be taken as a positive sign. maybe.

i'm having a hard time summarizing the past quarter in a clear and coherent fashion. i've been thinking about it all day and i don't really know how to relay the developments in my personal progress. i would say that the value of sak inc. stock has probably not fallen, but it may not have made any significant gains either. i guess i don't really know how much i'm worth right now!

i think at the end of Q2 i was in the midst of some boy drama, which has since been resolved. i'm single but not yet a bride of christ; i feel good about it. and, at the very least, i learned some very valuable lessons about "dating" and real-world relationships. i'm neither here nor there on the whole thing but at least i'm not too bothered. i'm still more charlotte than samantha and i doubt that will ever change, regardless of the bets i make with my life coach!

speaking of my life coach, i was ecstatic when sleo moved back to TO. on top of having another buddy in town i had a regular exercise partner. she has been scheduled into my tuesday night slot and we have managed to maintain a regular powerwalk/run/weekend-debrief session. unfortunately the summer heat was detrimental to my running regime but i think that with the cool weather setting in the fourth quarter report will show an increase in physical fitness. good lord i hope so!

for some reason i'm having a hard time writing tonight. i have a fair bit on my mind and i'm sure you will read all about it after i am done processing, but i think i am going to have to leave things for now. yeah, i know, this quarterly report was balls but it is seriously the best i can do right now.

A Long Weekend in Sarnia

2006-09-03T20:37:00.000-04:00

this has been a funny weekend. and i don't mean funny-haha although there were definitely hilarious moments. mostly just funny like that feeling you sometimes get in your stomach that is impossible to describe but leaves you unsettled.

kelly and darren got married last night in sarnia and matt and i went together, not as dates mind you, but just together. he was supposed to pick me up at 8.30 but the five pitchers of mojitos he drank the night before caused a bit of a delay... and were not particularly conducive to a fun-filled drive. nor was his disinclination to pull over at rest-stops to let me pee. apparently i was to be punished for my wee bladder.

we got to the hotel and had just enough time for a nap and primping before we were to get on the bus that was hired to take us out to the resort where the event was held. at the designated time we headed out and were pleasantly surprised to see some of our old university friends, people i hadn't seen in years. i was a little put-off that stephen didn't say hello to me when he greeted matt but it all became clear when he proceeded to shake my hand and introduce himself.

"hi, i'm stephen" he said to me politely.
taking his hand i said "kogon" with what i hope was a bemused smile on my face.
"hi ko KOGON ... oh my god i didn't know that was you" was the response.

apparently i cleaned myself up to the point of being unrecognizable. in all fairness, the last time he saw me i was probably wearing some variety of sweatsuit with long curly-ish hair, mostly likely tied up in a messy bun. i felt that particular outfit was somehow inappropriate for a wedding so i prettied myself up and became a whole new breed of lady.

we mocked steve about this for pretty much the rest of the night but over dinner kevin kindly confessed that he also didn't know who i was, which was why he said hello to me twice and only hugged me on the second go at it. sweet and somewhat unnerving.

the wedding was really fun and it was great to see kelly and darren looking so happy. they managed to live out the dream that i have heard so many brides and grooms talk about (the dream of getting hammered and having fun at their own wedding) but so rarely comes to fruition.

although i didn't get to sleep until around 2-ish i still managed to wake up at 8, and not fall asleep again. i did my best to keep quiet lest i woke matt up, mostly because i doubted his wrath would have mixed well with my headache.

the 402 may be the most boring highway in ontario. it reminded me of the day spent driving through the prairies but where morgan and i got bored and threw tapes out the window to see them break matt and i just got grumpy at each other. umm, maybe that should be rephrased. i should replace "matt and i just got grumpy at each other" with "i annoyed matt with inane questions and then got pissy at him for putting on european trance music thus leading to an attempted iPod coup that ended in my sulking."

in the early afternoon i returned to my apartment which contains almost nothing right now. thankfully michael and adele were exceptionally kind and took me out visiting the grandparents, where i collected a number useful household items like plates, bowls and a glass unicorn which now sits proudly where the tv used to live. i think he needs a name ... maybe gerald ... but i'll take suggestions.

i thought my new roommate was moving in today but he didn't show. i wasn't too surprised since its a long-weekend and he doesn't really seem to bothered about the whole "moving" thing. it actually worked out pretty well since i wanted to do a thorough clean before he moved in and the prospect of cleaning right now is less than appealing.

so here are my favourite quotes from the weekend so far:

"so then we went past the chris hadfield airport ..."
"wait" i said, interrupting the conversation "isn't he the lead singer of metallica?"

sk: "i think she is a justice of the peace"
ml: "hmm, a j-o-p, yeah, a jop, hey you-"
sk: "don't even say it"

"oh, is there a chocolate fountain here?"
"no, i just melted down thirteen hershey bars in the back of my truck with a bic lighter"

oh, and it turned out that k.leo was right, but i never truly doubted her.

You Can't Take A Banana Anywhere

2006-08-27T21:01:00.000-04:00

after my last post it should come as no surprise that i was desperate to get out of the city this weekend, so when an offer was presented to me by the leo sisters i jumped on it. it was our standard tour of cottages but since my parents were away i had ted and dorth fill that void.

this weekend was marked by a series of events that were all about two steps away from being real disasters. and i mean that in the most literal sense. from sketchy characters at the gas station to monkey-like car driving we were always on the verge of getting into trouble, without ever actually being in any real danger. here are the three best (worst?) incidents of this weekend in chronological order:

1. picture the scene: saturday afternoon, clear skies and crisp air. the women-folk were relaxing by the water just reading and chatting. we were feeling a bit peckish, as doing nothing can make you, so andrea brought out some middle-eastern baklava as a bit of a treat. it was less sweet than your average greek baklava and i was satisfied ... for about two minutes. i was soon distracted from the conversation by the odd sensation i was feeling in my mouth. my tongue was tingling and burning, and not in a good way. "umm, i think i'm having an allergic reaction" i said as i tried to remain calm, although i was feeling a bit shaky. a benadryl and two episodes of weeds later i was feeling ok but i suspect my days of eating nuts willy-nilly are over.

2. dinner was ending and we were regaling each other with tales of etiquette mishaps over glasses of wine. kalen was spinning a yarn and moved back in her chair as a look of concern came over her face. we could tell that something was off but it wasn't until we heard the first crack of wood that we knew what was going on. i was able to get my arm out for her to grab, to prevent her from falling, but seconds later it was as though she had judo-chopped her wooden chair into pieces. the chair crumbled as kalen said "no pie for me, thanks."

3. this afternoon i was driving shannon and kalen back from cottage in my usual fashion: by pretending i was participating in a closed-course rally race. unfortunately i was not actually on a closed-course, nor am i rally driver, and when a mini-van approached on a tight turn i had to swerve a bit to avoid a collision. i was never out of control, nor was i close enough to even be concerned, but we were re-living the scenario and laughing because if there had been an accident it would have most-likely been my fault. i was eating a banana and driving with one hand. and i suspect i was going a bit faster than the other car. but i'm sure my defense of "yeah, it was a really good banana so let's not get insurance involved, how bout?" would have held.

now onto my favourite part of weekend-update blogs, the quote section:

"yeah, but i got two beds" long pause "two beds don't mean shit"
"i pretty much have the best-case red-head scenario"
"your eyebrows meet at 2.5"
"i'm too lazy to even have someone ferry me around"
"i was anxiously wanking"
"you can't take a banana anywhere"

and finally, pictures:

Here's Your Stinkin' Post

2006-08-23T20:11:00.000-04:00

yeah, i haven't written in a while. i suck. actually, i don't suck, i've been grumpy and its hard to be entertaining while i'm occupied with sulking.

last week i went down to leamington to see zoe at her boyfriend's cottage. although leamington is in canada i keep refering to the trip as "when i was in the states." it was awesome to see zoe and chris but there is only so long i can represent my country before questions like "why the fuck isn't there caffeine in canadian mountain dew?" become tiresome.

then i drove for four hours on the 401 in driving rain. the rain let up as soon as i hit mississauga at which point the traffic picked up. it was awesome.

sunday i made a point of doing nothing. i watched love actually and slept. then i met up with shannon to see "little miss sunshine" which would have been better had i been able to hear the movie over the sound of the popcorn eater behind me but no, apparently the people who see movies at the cumberland are mental.

on monday shannon and i nearly got locked in mt.pleasant cemetary during our powerwalk. honestly, every time i suggest a route for running or walking it ends in disaster, although we didn't actually get locked in and the shortened walk enabled us to enter a dreamworld of magic at mariachis. but at least now my alias has a more developed back-story. yeah margie sanderson!

tuesday i was horribly disappointed to find that my favourite ad of all time (Fredrik Ljungberg, CK) has finally been taken down. to add insult to injury the hottest footballer ever has been replaced by ... HENRY WINKLER circa Happy Days era on a CHRISTIAN television ad. that was a kick in the balls.

and today, well, there isn't too much to tell about today. just another day. getting ready for a late ball game. it was a mathematical improbability but somehow my team is in 2nd place. incredible for a team that hasn't legitimately won a game yet. who knows, maybe we need the pressure of playoffs to make us awesome.

Ducks Unlimited: Part 2

2006-08-11T10:47:00.000-04:00

check out the ducks, all grown up! thanks shannon and dorothy.

Carmen Electra's Striptease Video Workout Extravaganza

2006-08-10T22:05:00.000-04:00

i'm sitting here, looking at the weathereye on my desktop, waiting until the temperature is appropriate for running. and i'm listening to kanye, which is as close to gangsta rap as i can get without feeling a fool myself. it has been ages since i went for a proper run due to the soaring temperatures of late and i am kinda looking forward to this one. plus i've had lots on my mind this past week and sometimes the best thing to do is sweat it out.

i wanted to post lots of pictures from last weekend. pictures that would tell a story and entertain. but i didn't take any. it was a big mistake. plus, we didn't actually "do" much this weekend apart from all those things that you really want to do on a long-weekend. it was a casual and relaxing friends and family weekend at the cottage. adele, james, shannon, daniel and i joined michael and the parents at our cottage and we filled the days with swimming, sleeping and the reading of men's magazines, and our nights with drinking, charades and general hilarity.

although i took very few actual pictures i do have a couple of videos that i find amusing. one is of the ridiculous mouse-catching episode of saturday night (the efforts were fruitless) and the other, filmed by shannon, is of daniel and i playing cranium. we were not the best team in that his cheating ways and my literal interpretation of everything led only to shouting and frustration but we had fun and it didn't prevent us from drinking crown royal on the dock until 4:30 am. it had been a long time since i sat outside, looking at the stars, just hanging out and shooting the shit. it was oddly soothing.

the next day we visited dorth and ted and had a minor paddleboat incident which involved, primarily, capsizing a paddleboat. then we ate lunch and watched the ducks for a while. on the way back we stopped in westport to pick up some fudge for michael. we all thought it was a bizarre request until we tried it and, good lord, it was delicious fudge. well worth the trip. charades filled the evening and even though i'll acknowledge that i'm a spaz i maintain that it is virtually impossible to act out "99 problems but the bitch ain't one". and "fubar fucked up beyond all recognition" is not the title of anything. balls.

going back to toronto sucked. i really could have stayed at the cottage for a week longer. it is always difficult to return to the regular grind, but even more so when you are unsure how you feel about the regular grind. i'm not complaining right now; i am having an amazing summer and i have no qualms with anything tangible right now, but i guess i am feeling the need for change. something fun and exciting! an adventure of sorts. grr, i always say that don't i? and then life gets in the way ...

Kind Of Like Sir Francis Drake

2006-07-30T15:09:00.000-04:00

it's hot. and humid. and i am disinclined to anything right now. which is ok because i have had a pretty full weekend and somehow sitting in front of the tv, watching reruns of newsradio, seems to be the perfect way to kill the time. and i can admire the new kicks i got for a really really good price even though wearing them might be overkill since they are lined with cashmere and i hate having hot feet.

i've been mulling over what to write for a while. i could do my typical rundown of the weekend but that is fairly mundane. that said, melissa and i finally went on the hike that we have been talking about for six months thus justifying our weekly plans to go for a hike. we also drank a fair bit of tequila, which has been part of the weekly schedule for the same length of time so i guess on that front i accomplished a lot yesterday. there are some pictures of our hike to the waterfall down below.

i went with michael and adele to visit our grandparents this morning. my grandfather hadn't been feeling well and it was about time i went for a visit so i tagged along with my siblings. it was a typical visit in that there was a lot of medical talk mixed with a healthy dose of crazy. the highlight being my grandmothers conceptual leap from england as a colonizing nation to queen victoria as a bitch and a whore who slept with pirates. it was phenomenal.

on a less hilarious note i got some disturbing news about an old friend which has been hanging over my head for a few days. its nothing that effects me directly but i can't shake it from my mind. my dreams are being haunted and restless sleeps are always upsetting. more importantly, my memories are being tarnished and i really hate that. this is the second time in as many years that i have discovered that a person i thought i knew is completely different from what they portrayed. but what can you do? i've not been hurt by it and being across the pond should dull the situation i guess.

ok, i'm going to leave you with a few things i learned this weekend:

1. i am too old for the madison
2. driving in a convertible with the top down seems like a better idea than it is when the temperature soars above 30
3. lacies are not the best choice of undergarment when hiking
4. "scivvies" is the appropriate word for underwear if they are doubling as a bathing suit when swimming in natural bodies of water
5. one man's pirate is another man's explorer

here are the pictures from hilton falls:

Harpell Dixon Nuptuals: Words

2006-07-23T21:26:00.000-04:00

i have nothing but the best things to say about the harpell-dixon wedding! the bride looked beautiful and ecstatic and the groom looked better and happier than i have ever seen him before. it was the first time that i've ever been to an event at which the guests wished the speeches would last longer and the only thing that could potentially seem odd (and doesn't really given the context) is that the groom saw the breasts of a guest before those of his new wife. but that was just comedy really.

the wedding ceremony was moved indoors due to weather constraints but there did not seem to be any stress or panic about it. everyone cheerfully moved around as directed and the delay in the program just allowed us more time to mingle and catch up. it is always a spectacle to get the girls together and i was happy that i had both my high school group and part of the camp posse to visit with. there is a picture below of all twelve of us that i had to post because just getting everyone together is memorable enough, but i'm sure that there are better pics out there. if someone wants to send me one where we don't look quite so wonky i would be pleased to switch it up!

i couldn't fit my sleuthing book into my purse so i don't have any real quotes but i do have to relay one of the funnier moments during the speeches. tom got up and gave a lovely talk about duncan and heather - welcoming the dixons to the harpell clan and wishing them all the best. at one point he mentioned that "you can tell a lot about someone by looking in their fridge" to which robin loudly snorted. not because it isn't true but because the harpell fridge was notoriously empty 11.5 months of the year - the only exception being right after christmas when it would store the leftovers from their obscenely large turkey. to the point that we were concerned that the wedding dinner would be bread and ketchup (a.k.a. a harpell sandwich). regardless, robin's guffaw was a minor disturbance that we could all appreciate and laugh at. and i think it would grossly misrepresent the harpell family to judge them based on an empty milk container and condiments.

editor's note: the above paragraph is based entirely on memories of the few occasions in which the author attempted to eat at the harpell household in the mid- to late-nineties. things could have changed.

anyway, heather and duncan, thanks for a great night and i wish you all the best in the future. mazel tov!

oh, and if someone (mom, dad, any other jews reading this) can tell me what the appropriate response to "mazel tov" is, apart from just saying thanks, that would be greatly appreciated. you can just post the answer as a comment! cheers.

Harpell Dixon Nuptuals: Pictures

2006-07-23T18:53:00.000-04:00

Tourist in TO

2006-07-17T18:23:00.000-04:00

what's your world view?

so lady-like!

playing godzilla

k and i on the scary glass floor of the CN Tower

Stephen Hawking is an Asshole

2006-07-17T08:22:00.000-04:00

when i answer the phone to the words "sak, what are your plans for the day?" i know immediately that it doesn't really matter what plans i had already made for myself because i am probably going to want to get involved. this is because A) the words are being spoken by one of the leo sisters and B) their plans are likely to lead to unpredictable antics. yesterday was no exception.

faced with the prospect of an open and lazy sunday i thought that maybe i would check out the Warhol exhibit at the AGO. it was not to be, although i did head down to that part of town. s and k had been out the night before and discussion of the evening prior dominated most of brunch. it wasn't a tale full of adventure and mayhem so much as the story of disappointment and hurt feelings, but i think we did a fairly good job of getting to the root of the problem and creating a framework to deal with the aftermath. i love playing therapist! especially with k piping up with gems like "i'd just have to ask her 'what's your worldview?'"

after brunch we headed off for our pedicures. i would be really proud of how much of a lady i am these days (brunch, pedicure ...) if i hadn't gone out in short-pants and a dinosaur t-shirt. pictures will be posted later. we had some time to kill so we wandered around and squawked, as per usual. it was during this downtime that k proposed the final, most glorious, adventure of the day. CN Tower.

s was still feeling a bit blue and we figured that being a tourist in toronto would be just the thing to cheer her up. i mean, what's better than an elevator ride? a really long elevator ride. and, as k put it, "our antics are way funnier at high altitudes." so we trekked over, in the stifling heat, and got in line. the actual tower was fairly uneventful and after a near fight with a family that was hogging the best picture spot, being minorly terrified by the glass floor and a bad slushee later we headed back down.

the subway wasn't running between union and eglinton so i had to walk home from yonge and bloor. in 34 degree weather. i thought i was going to die. and i still had to get ready for my date! i introduced j to mariachi's and apart from one hideously inappropriate conversation (which actually wasn't that bad but i was being oddly lady-like and polite for some reason) it was good.

i had not planned on posting this until i got the pictures from k but i figured it has been SO long since i wrote i should really get on with things. in typical form i will leave you with my favourite quotes of the weekend (including friday night's korean karaoke party which was AWESOME but my memories were hindered by the copious amounts of soju consumed and all i am left with are a few, almost incoherent, notes):

"i cured two cases of cancer today, what did you do?"
"oh, it would be so difficult to be a lady with a penis"
"if taco bell were healthy i'd be gene simmons"
"i also remember that as a child ramps were a cause for celebration"
"hung like a horse" "which is an insult if you are a moose"

Ducks Unlimited

2006-06-25T13:16:00.000-04:00

who's the real birder now? check out the pic that shannon just sent me:

No Harm No Fowl

2006-06-24T23:50:00.000-04:00

its almost midnight on saturday night and we've just returned from our girls night in niagara falls! i'm exhausted but i just looked at my notes from last night and realized that if i didn't post immediately i would be even more lost.

our ultimate goal for the weekend was to buy lingerie from victoria's secret and to eat at PF Changs. mission accomplished, however, the funniest parts of the weekend occured before we even made it to the states. instead of driving to rochester and back on the same day (rochester is the closest city with a PF Changs) we thought it would be more fun to spend the night in niagara falls and then cross the border in the morning.

we (shannon, allie, melissa, taryn and i) met at our place after work on friday night and hit the road. i have no idea what guys talk about when they are hanging out together but it took almost 4 minutes before our conversation turned to sex. we were still talking about it four hours later in applebees, a small point which may or may not have contributed to the speedy departure of all the people seated at neighbouring tables.

obviously i'm not going to get into the details of what we talked about (i actually don't even remember most of it and the quotes i wrote down don't help much) but the conversation made me realize, once again, just how lucky i am to have such a solid group of girlfriends. hilarious girlfriends at that. and i was kind of exaggerating about just talking about sex ... we totally talked about other things too ...

t had the foresight to bring a bottle of vodka with us to niagara so that we would be able to relax and have a cocktail before we went out. she went with s and a to buy some mix while m and i just watched tv and chilled out. there was a veritable beverage buffet in our room and we were feeling pretty good by the time we went for dinner at 10. i wasn't kidding about alienating the crowd at applebees; they literally cleared out of the place right after we got there. but i agree with shannon's point that there was no way that we were the loudest or most debaucherous people to eat there, not even close. as she said, "you remind yourself you're in niagara falls and in an applebees, i'll take my shirt off if you don't mind." aren't casino towns supposed to be open to anything?

the casino was actually a bit of a disappointment. we aren't gamblers and there wasn't even the opportunity to learn the games. and there was no way that we were going to play 15$ tables when most of us had a 20$ gambling limit. we all played the slots until we ran out of money and went home.

this morning we drove to rochester and did some good shopping and eating before we drove back. i was accused of being a closet birder - which i am not, btw - and for some reason we spent a fair bit of time talking about nature and the animal kingdom. so random.

as per usual i am going to give you some of the best quotes that i jotted down in my little black sleuthing book:

"it smells like sweat, it smells like pot"
"wild muslim sports cafe"
"fuck, he just came in my pants"
"good lord your tits look amazing"
"t and i seem to have a similar taste in frequency and trans-fat content"
"here's what we are being bitches about: socioeconomic status ... and incest. hahaha we love it"
"maybe we didn't go to church together but we did do a bartending course"
"if i don't have cheese dripping down my cleavage its not a good night"
"you've identified yourself birder"
"i hate miles"
"cover your gaping gas-hole"

and finally i have some pictures to post!:

sak's Q2 report

2006-06-13T08:35:00.000-04:00

this report covers the progress and development of SAK Inc between the dates of March 11 2006 and June 10 2006, inclusive.

the shareholders should be pleased with the gains made by sak inc this quarter. although the work and travel realms held steady there was significant improvement made in the areas of health and boys.

health: i have kept up fairly well with my running this quarter. although i sustained a bizarre injury during my 10k race in may i have still managed to get out there about three times a week. i mean, i'm not good but as M puts it, i'm just a little jewish girl, not a kenyan. it was fun running with M this spring but our size differential has made any real training together this summer unlikely. i say that because he dumped me as his running partner on the cusp of june because apparently i was holding him back. its not my fault he is a giant.

and other than the weird pains i get under my rib when i run or walk i have been exceptionally healthy. i was stricken by a severe spring allergy attack but i've got that under control now.

boys: the bride of christ plan from Q1 did not come to fruition. i'm glad of that. but at the same time, holy crap, boys can be frustrating.

after Q1 i realized that i really had to get back on the horse. it had been way too long. the short story is that i accomplished that goal, but the long story is that these days it is kind of doing my head in a little bit. although that may not be fair to write because as of the end of Q2 things were fine.

thanks to my friend J i met his friend J and we hit it off pretty well. that was about a month ago and we are still "seeing" each other. i wouldn't be so bold as to make any predictions about the future, and i would like to return to my initial comment of boys being frustrating, but i'm having fun and i kinda feel like things are going ok.

i should make it clear that i don't feel as nonchalant as that sounded but i do feel like at some point the rules of the game changed, and no one gave me the new playbook, so now i'm sort of bumbling my way through this one.

overall i believe my shareholders should be pleased with the progress of SAK Inc over the second quarter. i am looking forward to the impending return of my life-coach and CEO so that i can do a more in-depth analysis of Q2 and develop a plan of action for Q3.

SAK Inc. Q2 Report Impending

2006-06-10T15:40:00.000-04:00

a note to shareholders:

you can expect the Q2 report to be released in full at some point during the next 3 days. the following distractions (past, present and future) are my excuses for the delay:

a's birthday
jk (in general)
england v paraguay
sweden v trinidad and tobego
a trip to aurora
a sibling day-out
good weather

Harps' Bachelorette

2006-06-06T08:32:00.000-04:00

i was going to wait until i had some pics before i posted but i've decided to regale you with tales of the bachelorette anyway. i will put up pics if and when people send them to me. yeah, i suck, i forgot my camera.

the original plan was to go camping but that was not meant to be. the weather was garbage and sitting in tents by the beach would have been pretty shite.

melissa picked me up saturday morning and we made our way down to farnell's place in rosedale. as we pulled up at the house farnell motioned for me to come inside. she said she had a "surprise" for me. sure enough, i went in and grassick was sitting there watching a football match! i ordered her to get dressed and into the car and we were on our way.

laura hadn't planned daytime activities since we were supposed to be at the beach so we decided to dress harps up and take her bowling. she looked beautiful, although the pictures that i will post later might point otherwise. now, bowling is not known to be the classiest of sports and the cloverleaf lanes across from the canadian tire were no exception. disappointment nearly turned to anger when we were told that the bar was closed. karyn and i were not going to stand for that so we did a trip to the lcbo, then the quickie-mart, and returned with alcoholic beverages for all. i was impressed with the speed and accuracy with which karyn poured vodka into pop bottles in the parking lot, but it wasn't her first time.

we went back to laura's for more drinks, a barbeque and the bachelorette games. the thing with harps is that she is quite tight-lipped about her escapades thus we went into this bachelorette with a mission: to learn more about the secret slut! to be honest the mission was only partially successful but we definitely put in our best effort. i believe she will take her secrets to the grave but we did have a good time trying to get them from her.

i'm finding it hard to describe the night since i ended up getting pretty drunk. i know, thats no excuse, especially since i was taking notes the whole time but my notes are not fully coherent. for example, at some point in the night i wrote down "don't listen to anything this slut has to say" but i don't know why i wrote that or who the slut in question is.

so here are some of my favourite quotes from saturday night:

"i scored 69, i'm done"
"those were some big balls, write that down"
"mr. ellis has a new lady, and she's an adult"
"i guarantee she never washed her crotch"
"who kisses vertically these days?"
"i could out-act any actress"
"he gave me free weed" "aw, thats nice"
"karyn doesn't know this but they were really close" "my memory's not that strong"

the next morning was pretty bizarre. andy and ella came back from the cottage and jill came over with james. we were sitting around laura's living room, a big "leather whorepell" sign up on the wall, the babies were playing on the floor and in the background trent reznor was singing "i want to fuck you like an animal".

i'm not going to publish the results of any of the bachelorette games but, for the ladies that were not able to be with us saturday, do not fret, they are all recorded in my little black book.

Please Let Me Never See That Face Again

2006-06-03T00:37:00.000-04:00

two posts in one day? wow, aren't you guys lucky! this entry is being fueled by premium lager, doritos and the memory of andy's performance face.

ok, so all my bitching and moaning this morning? yeah, i'm over it ... i was just being girly and emotional. i'm pretty sure it annoyed me more than anyone else. and i had a great deal of attention paid to me today and i really feel better. stock is rising people! get involved.

t and i went to a's show tonight. i would say that the average age in the bar was 28. that is only because there were a load of 16 year olds ... and their parents. awesome. t and i sat beside a couple of girls on the bench at the back of the venue and they literally looked at us and said "you can sit here if you don't mind hearing teenage girltalk." it was like a kick in the guts. i had NO idea that i was so old. man oh man, we didn't even know what to do.

anyway, we went to the bovine sex club, saw a's show again. technically he was playing guitar, and playing guitar exceptionally well mind you, but i really couldn't look at the stage. i'm pretty sure that his face was meant only for his sexual partner and by looking i was breaking some sort of sacred bond. it was awkward for me. thankfully i had to call laura and make arrangements for harps' bachelorette.

now i'm home, eating doritos, watching tv, pretty much just playing it cool. or not cool at all! but things are better in my world and i will sleep soundly tonight. woohoo!

Deep Breaths

2006-06-02T08:02:00.000-04:00

its eight days until the official second quarter report is released but i think my shareholders will be a bit disappointed in the events of this week. records indicate that shares in sak inc hit an all-time high in may but, unfortunately, this week has thus far been killer. my health has taken a turn for the worse and i have been feeling stressed about a variety of things. its not a big deal at all; i think i'm just in a bit of a funk right now. this quarter is guaranteed to end higher than the first and i have really done my best to own these few months, i just need to start sleeping properly again and deal with this allergy situation. and harps' bachelorette in picton this weekend is guaranteed to help!

my high point of today so far? noticing that kanye west rhymes bulimic with anemic in 'diamonds are forever'. i love it.

Dead Chicks Don't Talk

2006-05-23T20:41:00.000-04:00

i know the second quarter isn't over yet but i just want my shareholders to know my stock is rising. and how.

this has been the busiest and longest long-weekend yet. i'm averaging five hours of sleep a night and there is a good chance i am going to crash. well worth it though!

i spent saturday in brampton at renu's wedding. it was an amazing ceremony and she looked beautiful. the event took all day and we got approximately eight meals of indian food. it was awesome! however, the curry-dreams i had that night were totally messed up. allie, ben and i made the most of the open bar and had loads of fun. here are a couple of pics from the wedding:

sunday morning we got up early and headed to ktown. the weather was garbage and the parents didn't feel like going up to the cottage. so instead i took the car and headed up to the leo cottage for some fun and relaxation! well, fun anyway. k had a bunch of her guelph friends up so we had the pleasure of hanging out with a bunch of 23 year-old boys. the PPH ratio was high and the girls took the opportunity to perform a sociological examination called the Simian Experiment. the alpha-males grunted and lumbered about while we grew increasingly annoyed. i can't even begin to describe the events of the evening but i will give you my favourite quote of the night:

"i guarantee that i'm cooler than every guy you've ever fucked"

monday morning we got up, ate some eggs, and s and i headed over to my cottage to hang out with the kogons. as per usual s just passed out on the couch and i read my book. the weather was ridiculously cold and i had packed poorly. the only warm clothing i had with me i wore to the bonfire the night before and the smell permeated everything. despite a shower and an attempt to air out i couldn't shake the odour of feu. i'm sure my fellow train passengers appreciated it.

i went directly over to j's house when i got back to TO and we watched a movie and hung out. it was another late night and i was especially glad that i took today off. s wasn't flying out til 845 pm so we spent the day enjoying the city. the weather today was everything that the weekend wasn't. it was so sunny and warm that we couldn't help but spend the afternoon on a patio. we went to the black bull and the lady robber discussed her future career as a gloved ball-twister. it is her forte after all!

when we finished drinking downtown we got a call to go for drinks uptown. t and a met us at scruffy's and we had a couple more drinks before s headed to the airport. now its 930 and i am totally ready to go to sleep! i'm such a sucka.

i've totally left out all the funny bits of my weekend that i wanted to blog but my memory is failing me. there was something about a cathedral and some flying rats, a gentleman garbage collector, attempts to maintain a conversation sans alpha males, and tragic memories of getting whacked in the back with a hockey stick. ok, i'm off to sort out my life.

Going Above and A Bong

2006-05-19T08:18:00.000-04:00

i've tried to update this blog approximately eight times in the past week, to no avail. so busy, so many distractions. here are some of the highlights:

timing was on my side wednesday afternoon. we had a british guy doing some training on the same day as the champion's league final. i ensured that he would be able to see the match at a nearby pub and he ensured that the drinks would be expensed. it was awesome! well, that part was awesome ... the less awesome part was that arsenal lost. i'm pretty sure the ref was secretly wearing a barcelona jersey, freddie looked like he was faking injuries (but was still exceptionally hot) and i don't think thierry henry's heart was really in it by the end, but it was one of my best days of work yet!

its been a while since i have had random and awkward interaction with an inappropriately old man. i'm not going to get into the details here but seriously, since my teens, older 'gentlemen' have taken a shine to me. last night it happened again! i was in indigo, killing time, when i noticed a man checking me out. i didn't think much of it and he got up to leave. as he was almost out the door he turned around, came up to me, and invited me to the movies and gave me a ticket to the da vinci code. weird eh?

and finally, just a quick and cryptic shout-out to allie: remember my 'i never' at the bachelorette party? well, in an odd twist of fate, if i were to ask it again i would have to drink. effed up eh?

0:59:14.3

2006-05-07T16:41:00.000-04:00

another whirlwind weekend over! well, almost over ... i'm doing my very best to stay conscious until its a decent time to go to bed. having said that, i just woke up from a nap.

anyway, friday night i went out with michael, adele and james. m ditched early but the three of us went to rivoli to shoot some pool. "shoot some pool" is a term i use loosely. adele and i are total garbage. garbage combined with a number of cocktails. it would have been a disaster if any of us really cared.

saturday i went for brunch with adele and then hit yorkville for some serious shopping! well, as serious as i ever get about shopping. i finally got the lacoste's i've been talking about for a year and i got an outfit to wear to renu's wedding. i still need shoes and probably another outfit but its a start. oh how i love wedding season!!!

last night was renu's bachelorette party. i'm not really sure how to describe it apart from being the least debaucherous bachelorette party i've ever been to. allie and i left before they went to the club so there's a chance that things picked up after we left but, well, i really really doubt it.

this morning i ran my first race. i did the sporting life 10k and achieved the two goals that i had set for myself. the first was to run the whole thing and the second was to do it in less than an hour. although i was only 45 seconds under the hour mark i was still technically successful. i do think that i could have pushed myself harder and got a better time but thats not really the point is it. theoretically i'll have plenty of opportunities to get that time down.

alright, i just broke my iPod. i'm going to go deal with that since i find the ttc sans music highly stressful.

Why Won't the Spasms Stop?

2006-05-03T20:31:00.000-04:00

i ask the title question in the most literal and pleading way. since saturday i've been dealing with an ongoing muscle spasm in the back of my left shoulder. and its not a funny twitch like the ones you get in your eyes when you are tired. this one hurts. and you can see it through sweaters. i am a freak.

Have a Productive Day and Make Lots of Money

2006-04-29T09:57:00.000-04:00

it's almost 10 a.m. and chelsea just officially won the english premier league. i'm running on maybe 2 hours of sleep and my thoughts are not particularly coherent. i'm fighting a headache, there is a smell emanating from somewhere, and not being able to place its cause or location is mildly concerning. its probably just me.

we went out for ben's birthday last night. since the event was called for 9.30 i had dinner with mark and melissa first. as per usual. i seriously love our friday night scruffy's date but there is a chance that a third of a plate of nachos is not a sufficient dinner before a night out. but i was a trooper and put in a surprisingly good showing.

i got a call from t while we were in the cab heading down to sutra. to say the least the bar was dead. she and andy were holding down the fort but they were ready for some more company. we got there at the same time as ben, allie, jules and brad and things really picked up. we had some tequila, a few drinks served in coconuts (with umbrellas obviously) and then we headed out to einstein's.

apparently ben had good memories of einstein's from his first year of university. i imagine that in first year it would have been an awesome hangout. yesterday there was an awkward mix of 18 year-old girls falling over drunk and 50 year-old men watching. and us. since we got there at last call we didn't have to stay long.

i was planning on having a sleepover at mark and melissa's but after our 3 a.m. barbeque i was beckoned home. all is well but i'm a bit tired today. i no longer have the ability to decipher words and conversations all sound like a low-frequency mrrrrrr ...

Kim Jong Il is Such a Hunk

2006-04-16T18:21:00.000-04:00

there is a picture hanging in my hallway of shannon and robin circa 1995. shannon is wearing a billowing grey t-shirt and robin is wearing a red sweater vest. i love that picture for approximately a hundred reasons but mostly because it represents just how cool we weren't in high school, despite what we thought at the time.

that story has nothing to do with my weekend but take a look at the pic below. 10 years later and shannon still has the look of a 12 year old! i love it.

the past couple of weeks have been crazy busy. lots of family stuff. i've been thinking about posting for a while but its been hard to get my thoughts together. and now i am being forced too ... thanks K.

i was so excited for friday night. its been ages since i had a good squawk with the girls so when S and K said they were coming into town i was stoked. we had dreams of going out and getting involved in both mayhem and debauchery, but it was not to be. we went to the beaches for dinner and a romantic walk with D down the promenade instead. and then went back to my place for a few drinks.

a couple of weeks ago i went over to my grandparent's house with my brother and sister-in-law. although i do not come from a long line of drinkers the older generation maintains quite the stockpile of booze. not even normal alcohol ... weird homemade prune-based concoctions from the 60's and whiskey bottled in a CN Tower container. i came across, and subsequently took, a bottle of 151 proof appleton's rum from approximately 1971.

the leos love their appletons so this vintage bottle was of particular interest. careful not to overdo it S actually measured out the shots. it was to no avail. there was a minor barfing incident on saturday morning.

ANYWAY back to friday night ...

we realized quickly that we weren't actually going to leave the house. the music was on, the squawks were in full force, and it was really nice to just drink and catch up. of course we documented the evening through pictures and words but sadly, in retrospect, they make no sense. and its not just the notes that are illegible; the pictures K sent over have no discernible meaning either.

but these are the "highlights" of the evening - starting with the one quote that should explain/excuse the rest!

"our compliments to your Grandma's fucking rum"
- both K and S

"we thought he was drunk enough to go home with you"

"his body is a literal dreamworld of magic"

"two leo wrongs make a right"

"awkward is the new cool"

"i got clangs and a clubfoot"
"whats that?"
"the std you get from not having sex"

to be honest, we aren't even sure why those comments are funny, but apparently they were important enough to warrant S scribing them. and it is nice to know that we weren't just entertaining ourselves. we called my sister after we broke into her facebook and yakked with her long-distance until K called last-call.

i wasn't feeling as bad as the rum-drinkers on saturday morning but when i went for a jog it was like every step caused a nail to be driven through my skull. i drank more this weekend than the past three months prior, combined, but it was well worth it. i barely fought with my family and overall i had a pretty good time. and now i am preparing myself emotionally for the return to work tomorrow. man, i need an adventure ...

April 5, 2006

2006-04-05T10:32:00.000-04:00

Ok, you want a new posting … here it is. The theme of today is “what happens when otherwise heavily-regulated hormones run amok due to two rounds of antibiotics in one month.” I’m going to give you the play-by-play.

6:30 – Alarm goes off. I am unimpressed.
6:34 – Shower is the perfect temperature. This is rare and I am pleasantly surprised.
6:43 – Feeling unusually good as I get dressed and I’m certain that today is going to be awesome.
6:48 – Out of milk. Out of bread. Out of yogurt.
7:12 – There is snow outside.
7:28 – I have a renewed hatred of the general public. The subway is full and people have no sense of etiquette or general decorum.
7:40 – The barristas at Starbucks choose to discuss “things eaten by my dog” instead of selling coffee. I do take a moment to mourn the loss of (insert name of generic Starbucks worker)’s Kelly Clarkson cd as I slip into a caffeine-deprived rage.
8:15 – Coffee and the free papers have soothed me. I’m feeling calm. I’m feeling OK.
9:10 – I eat a banana as I get to work and reminisce about better days.
9:43 – I realize I should eat something more substantial so I pour myself a bowl of Raisin Bran and put on my iPod. It is on shuffle and an Interpol song comes on. I can’t remember listening to this song before yet somehow the singer’s voice touches me. I turn off the music before I start to cry in my Raisin Bran. Then I come to my senses and ask myself “what the fuck?”
10:17 – I get a call from a co-worker to tell me that she accidentally forwarded on an email that contained a note I’d written, which could be best described as “mean.” I find this funny for some reason. Probably in the same way that I found it humourous that my supervisor is intimidated by me.

It is now 10:24. I have no idea what is in store for me for the rest of the day. I might cry, I might break something, I might be jovial and pleasant. Who knows? Mostly I just want to get through this without buying something frivolous.

sak's Q1 report

2006-03-26T21:33:00.000-05:00

i am now a quarter into being 26 and so far the visions of grandeur about this year have not come to fruition. and my shareholders are becoming restless. i said that this was the year to make things happen and, three months in, not much has happened. but don't be deceived; the wheels are turning and i've got stuff in the works. i would say that after this first-quarter slump things are really going to take off. i feel good about that.

however, i am going to give you a brief re-cap about whats going on here:

work: yes, i am working, same place ... blah blah blah ... not exciting. but what is exciting is that i think i have figured out what i want to do with my life. no details just yet because this current plan is probably mental and i have no idea how i am going to make it happen. still in the research phase.

health: i've managed to avoid all colds this winter however i have had two bouts of bronchitis. i blame jogging in the cold and rain for round two (which was really just an extension of round one). the weather is getting better and i am pretty sure that i am done with any form of illness for quite a while.

travel: so far just the states (ohio) and costa rica. pretty good, but not good enough. i'm itching to leave the country but i think that is because i do better in places that aren't ontario. its a proven fact.

boys: no. but thanks for asking. i'm thinking of becoming a bride of christ.

if you are interested in anything i left out just let me know and i will give you a more detailed report. but, sadly, this is pretty much it.

Young and Eligiblah ...

2006-03-06T21:52:00.000-05:00

This is not what I should be writing right now but I can’t help myself. I left the house in order to get some proper work done and my fancy has been caught by this neighbourhood.

Right now I am sitting in a Starbucks, across the street from a Starbucks, and just down the street from a Starbucks. Its effing ridiculous but I am here and have thus lost the high horse from which I normally judge others.

Toronto is a city of neighbourhoods. Everyone can find somewhere that feels like home, or they can adapt to make a home out of where they live. My area is fine. Here I am on the poverty-stricken end of the spectrum but in reality I am far from poverty-stricken (well, not that far but far enough).

This intersection is shiny and the lights I can see on the ceiling of the Silvercity remind me of Studio 801 circa 1988. The Imagination Creativity and Inspiration signs featured prominently on the wall of Indigo entice enlightened shoppers to check out the latest in chick-lit (which I am certain is a genre created by the devil himself). Earlier tonight I passed a man who had pulled his BMW over to, literally, read his chequebook. And I think I will crack at the sight of one more milf pushing a stroller in perfectly tailored lululemon pants.

But I’m not really complaining. Right now I am wearing jeans that were engineered to enhance the shape of my bottom (unless I am sitting down, at which point they serve only to expose my bottom) and shirts presumably stitched by small-children for the equivalent of no money. I am drinking Zen tea, eating a free cupcake, and trying to eavesdrop on people at the nearby tables. And I guess I am trying to write some sort of social commentary. Well, trying to write social commentary while checking out guys walking past the window. Wow, I am almost ludicrously shallow … sometimes I surprise myself.

I suppose this all contributes to why I quasi-love the neighbourhood I live in. Sure, it’s full of rich people that can, at times, seem so surreal as to be their own caricatures. Someone on my street drives both a Mustang and a Prius (in my head they balance each other out and become a Camry) and the local used bookstore has a No Cellphones sign like at Luke’s in The Gilmore Girls, although no-one really pays attention. But it’s young and its safe and if you look hard enough beyond the glare of lycra and over-sized sunglasses you might just find one or two people that don’t fit the mold and make things interesting. And somehow it seems right that I do what I do here.

Maybe I'm A Buddhist

2006-03-01T18:29:00.000-05:00

remember that episode of seinfeld when jerry figured out that he was even stevens? lost $20, found $20, lost a job, got a job, etc. well, there is a good chance that i am the real even stevens. i inadvertantly walk the middle path. every action has an equal and opposite reaction and all that. it is SO annoying.

ES incident no. 1:

i got back from costa rica on saturday night. the trip was amazing and if it wasn't such a ridiculous plan i would move down there permanently. we rented a villa on the north-west coast and spent a fair bit of time just relaxing by the ocean and the pool, just reading and hanging out. we zip-lined through the canopy and went on a river trip. it was so cool to see monkeys and crocodiles in their natural habitat although i think our guide could have spent a bit less time pointing out the herons. i mean really, i bet they summer at my cottage. as well, i felt really bad about the monkeys that live in the borth animalarium. the welsh countryside is cruel and unusual punishment for any tropical animal.

i could sense that something was going to go wrong around day three. i knew that illness was developing but i was determined to fight the power! mission: unsuccessful. my return to canada was met with a bout of bronchitis. i finally got it treated and should hopefully start to feel better soon. i figure that spending a week hocking out green chunks probably balances out an amazing vacation. thats hot eh?

ES incident no. 2:

i tend to not use the telephone. i don't like calling people and, unless plans are made for me, i have no problem just hermiting and doing things on my own. a few weeks back i decided to go on a long walk and found myself at one of my favourite bookstores on queen st. west. being in the neighbourhood i made the bold move (which, had i been a normal person, would not have been a bold move at all) and called m to see if he wanted to go for coffee. had he been in the province i'm sure his answer would have been yes.

fast-forward to saturday night when i got home from CR. checked my messages and, sure enough, there was a message from m about going to a toronto rock game. i'm not sure when the call came in but i was definitely not in the country.

oh, i could spin another yarn or two but frankly my heart isn't in it right now. i'll leave you with some pictures of the trip and i'm going to go sew a pinney with melissa.

The Everyday Adventures of Natasha Monalenko and Sasha Von Buren

2006-02-05T11:56:00.000-05:00

its been so long since i last wrote that i am having a hard time figuring out where to start. so i have decided to organize this posting using lists. see below.

things that i currently enjoy:

1. podcasts - specifically The Onion's daily news and the Ricky Gervais show
2. ice skating
3. McSweeney's 17 - 'designed to look like it came in the mail'
4. espionage - participating in, not reading about
5. name that tune
6. a centaur named laird hercules
7. penguin mini-books

things that are growing tiresome:

8. a winter of rain
9. the feeling of perpetual hunger
10. my hair and clothes

now i think most of the above are relatively self-explanatory. i mean, if you don't understand "ice skating" than we have issues above and beyond what i can deal with here on my blog.

so lets start with number 6. after breakfast yesterday taryn went to the bank to get some laundry money. i waited outside and got a paper from the box. as i was reading the cover i noticed a man with a mulletous mohawk entering the good bite. it wasn't even a faux-hawk. he had proper shaved sides, short on top, long in the back. i was in love. of course i had to tell taryn, however, she was not as impressed as i imagined she would be. oh no, she was not that impressed because she had just been helped by a teller named Laird Hercules. that was his actual name. we imagine that he would have to be at least part centaur and could thus star in taryn's reality show.

right now i am reading the penguin mini-book "1914: Why the World Went to War." its interesting partially because i find causes of war interesting in general, but also because it is forcing me to reflect on my shoddy public school education. its stunning that i was able to get through elementary school, high school, an undergraduate and a masters degree without ever learning the basics of european historical geography. i had NO idea how big austria was before WWI or its relative importance to the balance of power in europe at that time. and granted, i suppose through my education i have gained all the tools i need to research or learn anything i need to but, c'mon, this is basic general knowledge that everyone should have. especially someone with two political degrees.

anyway, i'm off to help melissa paint her new house. and by "paint" i really mean "taping the edges". i am pretty much garbage at painting (my room at the cottage is proof of this) and i wouldn't want to contribute to making her new house look assy. i will address some more of the above points later.

A Very Organized Weekend

2006-01-15T21:03:00.000-05:00

this weekend was a far cry from last week's kogon-family adventure, but still quite good. melissa called me on wednesday to see if i wanted to go snowboarding, which i did. however, the warm weather we'd had was not conducive to great snowboarding conditions so we called it off. hanna, melissa and i still wanted to do something outdoors and not in toronto so we headed up to the georgetown area to hike part of the bruce trail. we found a route that had a feature called the "hole in the wall." it involved a rocky crevass and a ladder thus we couldn't resist.

the sudden drop in temperature caused the actual trail to freeze and we pretty much just slid. i was the only one that actually fell over but i didn't hurt myself or anything. we were pretty cold but the hike was really nice and well worth the trip. it would have been awesome to have had a geologist with us for the walk. there was this really cool split in the earth and rock, quite deep and it looked almost like a faultline, that grabbed my attention. i really want to know how it was caused (earthquake? erosion?) and ... and i really am a nerd...

we weren't used to temperatures below zero so we only hiked for about an hour and a half before heading back to the city. we did a quick trip to MEC and lululemon and then i decided to be productive.

weekend productivity generally involves cleaning and laundry, so that is where i started. i wasn't terribly gung-ho at the beginning but one thing lead to another and soon enough i was vacuuming. as a rule i don't, and shouldn't, be responsible for the cleaning of any floor by any means. i hate floors and i suck at cleaning them. but i gave it a go and even in my motivated state i still managed to do a half-assed job. meh.

i was still in a puttery mood when i finished the cleaning so i decided that a cd reorganization was in order. i've been mocked for years about my obsessive-compulsive behaviour when it comes to the placement of my cds. i have no rebuttal. i really like my cds to be in order. i can always find them and i know when i've lost one. i rarely play cds anymore but i still buy them (i guess i'm one of the few).

taryn was in peterborough visiting her sister so i put on my johnny cash: live at montreux dvd and put my system into place. its been a long time since i went through my cd books and it was quite memory-jolting. i still have the first cd i ever owned (rem's automatic for the people) and mostly i was proud that it still plays and that i am not hideously embarrassed by it.

the weirdest bit was going through all my mixed cds. some i threw out because they were total garbage and others i kept but only for their memory value. there was the mix that bryce made me in third-year that, according to my roommates, was just a way for him to profess feelings for me. in retrospect maybe part of what they said was true. i have a cd i made after a summer at elphinstone that ranged from johnny cash to blackstar to christina aguilera and, for reasons even i am unaware of, i have at least three mixes with blue's u make me wanna. i don't even think i like that song.

welsh hip-hop, lesbiotic folk music, gangsta rap, old-school country and loads of other stuff in-between. its funny how i could trace my personal development through my cd collection. from the days of listening to bands because my brother did (yes, king crimson), to being an angsty-sullen teen in the mid-90s (hole, smashing pumpkins), to my brief foray into the world of political punk rock (propaghandi, anti-flag), its been a musical trip. to be honest, i probably had more fun going through this exercise than you are reading about it so i won't take this point further.

i'll leave you with my bruce trail pics:

The Kogons Take America

2006-01-10T21:03:00.000-05:00

last week i told a friend that my family was piling into a mini-van to drive to ohio for the weekend. the incredulous look i received was only topped when i added that i would be sharing a room for two nights with my sister, my brother and my sister-in-law. yup, the kogons were on vacation!

for some reason i always forget that i actually enjoy spending time with my family. i play it down and i anticipate the worst but in the end its always comedy. usually i adopt clothes from my sister and whisper things to make her laugh inappropriately. this time we were too sick to belt out prayers in shul but we made up for it with the diabolical dance moves we rocked saturday night. i didn't steal any clothes from her this trip but i did discover the whereabouts of one of my favourite t-shirts (montreal), and we abandoned her briefly in target.

we were in toledo for my cousin alex's bat mitzvah. she did an amazing job and her speech saturday morning made the whole family choke up (i think that is some sort of dvar torah miracle). it was just too bad that we had used all our kleenex during our embarassing coughing and sniffling bouts.

this past week i've also celebrated my own rite of passage into jewish womanhood. two separate women have teamed up with my mom to set me up with "nice jewish boys." one of them literally pulled me aside to say "i'd like you to meet my son." i mean, i'm in no position to complain, its not like i am meeting nice jewish boys on my own, but the whole thing is so cliche! i love it.

anyway, here are some pics from the weekend:

killer abs, tiny pony

2006-01-02T22:11:00.000-05:00

we've finally found our million dollar idea. picture it: a reality show featuring taryn and her centaur boyfriend. she will play the theme song on her air recorder and he will let her ride him to work. they will live happily ever after in their dreamworld of magic. zap.

there's a pretty good chance that this is not our most lucrative plan but it is one of the funniest of late. and where did it come from? we just had a going away dinner for shannon and as per usual the conversation spanned a wide range. we literally went from discussing the possibility of a mini-pony riding a centaur to the effect of the escarpment on the niagara wine region. at the very least we are a diverse bunch.

i finally have some photos to post. kalen was quite diligent about capturing new years eve on camera and so i bring you some of my favourites.

new years started at shannon's with pizza and drinks. although we wanted to play drinking games the best we could come up with was the "heritage moments" game. i'm not really sure where the drinking part comes in but the premise was that you'd go around the circle and name a heritage moment. needless to say the game never really got off the ground and we mostly just joked around and watched junior hockey. oooh chipchura. so good for so many reasons (mostly his name and his hotness).

getting a cab on new years eve is a remarkable feat. taryn and i had to commandeer an airport limo from dave and tony while kalen, shannon and daniel trekked down to bloor to hail a taxi. we eventually made it to the 'dress for sex' party and quickly got settled in watching grainy porn while the host roller-skated around her loft. kalen, always the quick-thinker, decided to order us some liquid cocaine's from the bartender who was mixing drinks at the gay party in the downstairs loft. there is a good chance that this was the turning point of the evening.

shortly thereafter taryn nearly boxed us out during her frantic exodus from the party. i was partially stunned until shannon drew my attention to the cause of the departure. the party had outlived its usefulness and she had better things to do elsewhere. fair play! meanwhile we were chatting it up with the random dudes and k and i were loving the narnia chronicles. double true.

we headed out on our first hike of the evening. 30 minutes later and we were at the pole-dancing studio where our second party of the evening was being held. daniel became a bit of a liability when he nearly crashed through a plate-glass coffee table. i suppose walking does become difficult when one is under the influence and their pants are falling off. apparently he was having belt issues but we took that as our cue to leave.

there was no way we were getting a cab so we began the walk from queen and spadina to front and church. it was a disaster. shannon's pretend-tourette's took hold and she shouted "i'll kill you bitch" to some girl in an escalade. we tried to make things better by singing franz ferdinand but there is a good chance we were only amusing ourselves. regardless, sometime around 3 we made it to the restaurant and despite much prodding i couldn't drink any more. i finally tagged out at 4 and the cabs were still hard to come by. i had to share a taxi with two randoms but i finally made it home.

i was asked today what my new years resolutions are. of course i had nothing concrete to say, thus inspiring a resolution. this will be the year that i make decisions. from inane ones like definitively agreeing that a man-hole cover in the middle of the sidewalk is out of place, to grander life-decisions like deciding what career path i will take, i think this is my year to be pro-active. no, i don't think, i know. ooh, this is going to be a long process.

The End is Nigh!

2005-12-29T08:31:00.000-05:00

last week i was described by a part-time co-worker as being 'pretty, but not a lot going on up there.' this was said with a disparaging look and an emphatic point to the head. now kids, if this is true then my whole perspective is totally fucked. in fact, there is a good chance we live in bizarro world.

the summer of 2003 was the first time someone broke my heart with a comment along this vein. one night at elphinstone duncan, in passing, looked at me and said 'i used to think you were smart and well-read, now you are just dating matt s___.' i promptly sat down on the road and started to cry. and i think making me cry was one of his goals but there was an element of truth behind the comment.

so what is the link between the two incidents? i can say definitively that my intelligence is not effected by my hair style or the clothes i wear, a summer fling has little bearing on the books i read, and joking around with a friend at a staff party is not an indicator of how smart i am. but all those things have a bearing on how i am perceived by others. apparently there is a negative correlation between the level of fun i am having and the level of intelligence people credit me with. and fair enough. i'm more likely to enjoy myself at a party talking about music and boys than international political theory. obviously. but that doesn't mean that i couldn't hold my own if someone asked me for my opinion on the theoretical cause of an international conflict.

so having worked through this i've decided that i will take the first part of the comment as a compliment and ignore the second bit. and maybe i will take up playing pretty and dumb. thats gotta be good for a laugh every now and then.

and p.s. just in case you were wondering, no one has ever asked for my opinion on the theoretical cause of an international conflict. sweet masters degree.

Why Buy the Pony When You can Ride for Free?

2005-12-21T20:06:00.000-05:00

i know its been a while since i last wrote but i've had a hard time coming up with a great topic to write about. and i don't say that because there isn't much going on (there is) or because i haven't been thinking of stuff (i have) but mostly because i haven't been able to come up with a focus.

for a while i was contemplating "the return to traditional gender roles" as a theme. i didn't mean that in the broad sense. i meant specifically in the context of the early stages of relationships. but i knew i'd touched on this in an earlier posting and i didn't really want to go into details because its a tricky position to defend in this day and age.

i've borrowed the second season of sex and the city from the library. i'm not a massive s.a.t.c. fan - i couldn't to a weekend marathon nor am i willing to pay money to watch the show - but i figure i've gotta keep up with whats going on (or what was going on five years ago) so i watch. and now i've joined the ranks of the women that compare themselves to fictional characters on tv. charlotte? carrie? oooh ... who am i? obviously the answer is none of them but its something to think about i suppose.

today i went to fabricland after work to buy material to make curtains. it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone reading this that i quickly became overwhelmed, second-guessed each choice i made, and eventually left with nothing. so i've not yet used my new sewing machine and i still have a sarong nailed into my wall acting as a shade. ghetto, i know, but little i can do about it right now.

it turns out that my new-found empowerment has not translated into an ability to make purchases without assistance but i don't feel too bad about it. i have made progress in other areas!

This is My Year

2005-12-11T18:59:00.000-05:00

i've made the decision that 26 is going to be my year. i am taking ownership and i've decided that this year is going to be pretty much awesome. i was worried that by writing this i might be inadvertantly jinxing myself, but then it occurred to me that being jinxed is not part of my plan so i will continue. and anyway, its an official declaration therefore superstition isn't a factor.

so boldly i march into my late-twenties. and twenty-four hours later i think i'm doing alright. taryn threw me a birthday party yesterday which was awesome. we had some people over for snacks and drinks and then headed out to revival for the evening. i was really glad that michael could make it out to celebrate, even though he was on-call and could only make a brief appearance. adele came to the bar with us and greatly contributed to today's hangover. as well, laura trekked into toronto for the night (her first away from ella!) so above and beyond my birthday i had a really good visit with her.

i was supposed to take pictures for my mom but totally forgot. well, i got a picture of the cake but really nothing past 6pm. it wasn't a particularly debaucherous night although i had my moments. shannon is out in victoria and obviously could not attend but i used her as my inspiration. kind of like those jesus bracelets - what would shannon do? perhaps that is a dubious way to make decisions (particularly when under the influence) but i figure she had a pretty interesting 26 and i could use some of that.

so its going to be a fun year. i've decided.

My Love of Cheesy Englishmen

2005-12-01T13:06:00.000-05:00

when i was in grade five my brother took it upon himself to start my musical education (he played what he thought i should like and in return i had to tell him whether the percussions in any given song were real or electronic). we began with the police, so i would have to say that sting was probably the first cheesy englishman that i loved. this a long-standing love and falling asleep during his concert in no way diminishes it. plus he is massively hot in the desert rose video.

we could go chronologically through my british loves since then but that would be tedious and beside the point. i'll just say this: i've had a soft spot for oasis since the day i got a cigarette from liam gallagher, i truly enjoy robbie williams, and even though pete doherty is actually cracked-out i love that even the most drug-addled brit will still produce radio-friendly pop music. its as though brits are genetically incapable of being hard.

and g, as a side-note, don't mock my love of british bad-boys!

Publicly Marching it Out

2005-11-27T09:35:00.000-05:00

i believe my weekend morning routine has taken a turn for the worse. the show is called 'canada in the rough' and i am curious how the government justifies its sponsorship of this program. was there a distinctive lack of canadian big game hunting on tv? or was is it a lack of training that kept most canadians from bow-hunting bears? or maybe we just weren't good at putting on bandanas and applying camouflage makeup? well, thanks to the help of a government grant, this week we took a trip to northern saskatchewan to hunt black bears on a native reserve, and made blueberry-banana pancakes too! wholesome.

last night i went out for matt's birthday and, thankfully, my fears of flying a solo mission did not come to fruition. i didn't know who i was going to know at the party and i'm generally awkward in new social situations so i was really happy to find out that darren and todd were going to be there too. at least there were way more dudes than girls where i was sitting so it wasn't that hard to make conversation. in general, girls are bitches, unless they have a reason to be otherwise (like marriage, lesbianism, etc). this is not a direct comment on anything that occurred last night, just a conversation i had with darren, and most-likely true. but i'd say that overall i had a good time ... until getting off the subway ....

walking up from eglinton i had my iPod on, as per usual, and it was cold so mostly i just wanted to get home and into bed. i don't even know what i was listening to (probably the libertines or babyshambles because i am on a bit of a pete doherty kick right now) but the real point is that all of a sudden i could hear shouting behind me. not angry shouting, more like loud heckling, and so i turned around. sure enough there were two guys yelling "left, right, left, right" at me and i was like wtf? apparently, according to these two randoms, i walk military-style and they felt the need to publicly humiliate me over it. i think they thought they were being funny when in reality they have now opened up a whole new area of self-doubt that wasn't there before. taryn assures me she has never noticed me 'marching-it-out' but maybe she is just saying that ...

more importantly, what type of guy 'comedy-heckles' a girl walking home alone past midnight?

p.s. mom, i was fine. no danger lurking about in my neighbourhood. i was totally safe walking home - just mortified.

Does this Happen to Everyone?

2005-11-22T20:40:00.000-05:00

i know i am supposed to be writing about what i've been up to this past week, so i will summarize: saw 'the weatherman' last tuesday (felt hideously awkward for 95% of it, but not bad overall); went for mexican with shannon and taryn on wednesday (love the weekday squawk!); trekked home to kingston on thursday, then to montreal on friday with my mom; hung out with my sister for the weekend then back to TO on sunday.

ok, so now on to what i really want to write about. i was walking to work this morning and to celebrate the release of some drew barrymore movie people were handing out flowers on the street. after a woman handed me the flower i noticed that a man with a digital camera was taking my picture. i looked at him after the picture was taken and he sort of shrugged at me as if to say "what could i do?" i walked by only to noticed that he wasn't taking pictures of anyone else and, in fact, had put his camera in his pocket. it was slightly bizarre.

i was kind of laughing to myself because i love random things that happen to me on the way to work and then it dawned on me that it wasn't the first time that some stranger had taken random pictures of me. offhand i can remember at least three different occasions in aberystwyth that some guy with a proper professional camera took pictures of me (twice in the arts centre and once in the library). and i've had my picture in the student newspaper at mcmaster, although on that occasion i knew what the picture was for (answering a man on the street question) so i suppose it doesn't quite count. either way i am left feeling somewhat suspicious of people who take random photos.

so does this happen to everyone? let me know ...

Illegitimate Concerns

2005-11-09T18:34:00.000-05:00

g made contact this morning. apparently after reading the blog he was concerned about my emotional well-being. no, the irony was not lost on me, but i do appreciate the sentiment. that being said, i am not an emotional disaster. i really can hold my own and for the most part i just enjoy spinning a yarn, which is why this is the perfect forum for me to write about the stuff that i think about. and the best part is that sometimes i get quality feedback on my writing.

anyway, my current mission is to figure out some way i can jet down to nyc for a weekend to visit my friend patrick. he works for a secret company on secret assignments and has an office overlooking times square. i'm pretty sure he either assists on the odd coup d'etat or maybe he hunts down terrorists. obviously i have no idea. either way my visit will probably happen in the new year when he is more settled and i finally get my act together.

now its time to relax and finish my book (The Polite Revolution: Perfecting the Canadian Dream, by John Ibbitson).

Happy Birth-Day!!!

2005-11-08T17:52:00.000-05:00

i know, two postings within an hour ... i think its probably some sort of record!

but way more importantly i want to welcome my new cousin riley thomas into the world. a big mazel tov and congratulations to stephen and sarah and i can't wait to see the little guy!

Free Stuff

2005-11-08T16:50:00.000-05:00

two entries ago i spent a fair bit of time analyzing my weird relationship. i have come to a new conclusion: the relationship is totally effed up and i am completely fine with it. in fact, it is almost a non-issue. it adds a whole bizarre element into my life that wouldn't otherwise be there. i'm probably glorifying things right now which i shouldn't do but its the end of the day, i've got 11 minutes to kill, and i feel like being hyperanalytical because sometimes that's fun.

now onto the free stuff. today they were handing out free bottles of flavoured water on the street. i got pink grapefruit-green tea. i don't exactly know how i feel about the flavour but i am certain i will drink it because it came without cost.

i think that is the truest sign that i am a kogon.

Softy Raymond and the Fantasy Tank

2005-11-06T17:29:00.000-05:00

i'm tired, i stink, and i am remarkably content with this. we just got back from genevieve's cottage and i am trying to think of an appropriate entry to mark the occasion. i know that the girls will want me to put up the best quotes from the weekend (and there were many) so i think i will list those at the end.

basically the seven of us (me, taryn, shannon, allie, hanna, melissa and genevieve) trekked up to huntsville in a mini-van for a night of hilarity! the weather wasn't great so we didn't spend too much time outside but we did go for a really nice walk wherein taryn luge-fell and shannon graced us with a delightful view of her crotch. the cottage overlooked the lake and even though it was overcast the scenery was beautiful and serene. although most of us see each other fairly regularly it was a really nice chance to get away from it all and get caught-up properly.

it was one of those trips where it feels like loads of stuff happened but there weren't too many actual incidents to report back on. we didn't really do anything apart from eat obscene amounts of cheese and the occasional costumed dance party. we discussed everything from "the downfall of society due to confused gender lines" to the definition of a "dutchie." we used our fantasy tanks to plan out taryn's next air-recorder competition and we ate cheeseburgers in an old via-rail car. there was a massive thunderstorm that woke us all up except allie, who had to have been in some sort of comatose state, and my skittish ways were clearly demonstrated.

i will leave you all with my favourite quotes from the weekend. i actually made notes so that i wouldn't forget anything hilarious but in retrospect i think you sort of had to be there. regardless, here they are:

"to be honest, i think there is a domestic going on in the cheese aisle"
"you had me at choda"
"when you're the cleaner you don't have to cook"
"i'm looking for a prince on a horse with the bill in his hands"
"you just never hear about the homeless jews"
"i've got a big clit - write that down"
"robin dubonte - back in the homeland"
"what's a dutchie?" "either a joint or a homeless person"
"he slept with a thai prostitute" "that's brave"

and my personal favourite:

"iqualuit: the new whitehorse"

p.s. above you will see allie and i killing ourselves over the lists in the back of the mcsweeney's humour compilation; i know i've read them before but "email addresses that are hard to read over the phone" will always be hilarious.

Extreme Secret Emotions

2005-11-03T19:14:00.000-05:00

lately i've been doing a lot of thinking about secret loves and hates. i think this is partially because of the book i am reading right now (Killing Yourself to Live by Chuck Klosterman) and partially because it is an idea that i've always liked.

it used to be that i was minorly fascinated by the idea of the arch-nemesis. these are people that, for whatever reason, you feel a passionate dislike of, despite having little or no actual contact with them. there is no need to tell me how ludicrous this concept is as i am well-aware. for example, i have created arch-nemeses in my head for the following reasons: hair-type, question-answering style, and, most memorably, pipe-smoking habits. yes, totally ridiculous, but given that the person is by definition a stranger there is usually little risk of them finding out.

i recently had the pleasure of discovering i was someone's archnemesis. it was a complicated twist of fate that allowed me to garner this knowledge but it truly warmed my heart. however the question remains as to whether or not it is better to be someone's secret hate or their secret love. as i have no real experience or knowledge of being a secret love i guess i am in no position to compare.

all of this thinking about extreme secret emotions has inspired me to evaluate a particular relationship that has confounded me for years. i would be remiss to describe this relationship as extreme since it is anything but, although its sheer longevity is impressive. we have maintained pretty steady communication for approximately seven years yet i know almost nothing about his life. we have similar interests so its not uncommon to find ourselves at the same place at the same time, but it would never be planned that way. periodically this person will show a semblance of an interest in me but typically at the first sign of reciprocation he bails. i suppose this is what fascinates me. even though the unpredictability has almost become predictable i have absolutely no idea what this person thinks of me at all. not even at the most basic level.

so i guess that is the tie-in to my original theme. i just find it interesting how on one level a person can feel passionately about someone they don't even know while on the other you can know someone for ages without ever really figuring out what is going on in their head.

Things That Broke In My Proximity Today:

2005-10-31T19:25:00.000-05:00

my iPod
the air conditioner
the weather
the router for the office
the exit sign at work
the air conditioner again
my spirit

Thursday is the New Friday

2005-10-30T08:12:00.000-05:00

i left you last time with a bowl of cereal in my hands and the anticipation of going out to meet a guy called bubbles. well, bubbles wasn't at the horseshoe but the evening was memorable nonetheless. in the middle of the queen and spadina intersection we crossed paths with james. it took little convincing to get him to join us for a drink and the show, and, although i paid little heed to the band, the night was fun and i made plans with james to go to another show with him, michael and dave, on friday night.

in the cab home shannon and i decided to dd our little sisters. i mean, its not like they don't want to hear us squawking in the middle of the night! while kalen had the decency to be a squawker herself it was actually rk that provided the most fodder for our lively discussion. oh sister, so funny.

friday had the potential for disaster. i didn't actually drink that much on thursday but i realize now, in retrospect, that a bowl of cereal is not the best base for a night out. especially a night out that is going to be followed by curry friday. without any clients in the office it was an ideal environment for bringing in quite odourous food and, as expected, it was delicious but painful.

i slept for an hour after work and went out to meet michael and james. dave couldn't make it so the three of us headed to baldwin street for dinner, then to a church at grange park for the show. there were a few things i found peculiar about the evening: like why the first band spent so much time tuning their instruments when the singing could have been most easily confused with non-key-specific wailing; and why i was the cleanest person in the building; and how quickly a whole choir of seemingly normal young-adults can take on the look of glazy-eyed religious fanatics; but mostly i was curious as to how the singer made the cover of eye magazine this week. and while i find happy-clappy religious-country music rather entertaining (for reasons other than my embracing of our lord jesus christ) i wasn't too bothered when michael tagged out part-way through the set.

and yesterday was a really casual and relaxed saturday. t, shannon and i just ate breakfast, bought loads of books, watched a movie, went to scruffy's for a pint and some nachos, and i read the paper. for the first time in my recollection i turned down an evening that involved the wearing of costumes but i have a wedding today and i think i needed to recuperate from my week. as taryn put it so succinctly 'thursday is the new friday,' which makes my saturdays more chill than they should be. now i am just enjoying my extra hour and working up the motivation to actually get out of bed!

"if you weren't so cute you'd be homely"

2005-10-27T19:10:00.000-04:00

a compliment or a thinly-veiled criticism? i'll let you decide. i'm going with compliment because my fragile ego can't take many more ups and downs this week. i don't mean to imply that this has been a particularly trying week, only that my self-perception has fluctuated. and i base that entirely on the actions (or non-actions) of others.

i am writing this as i eat a bowl of cereal and prepare to meet up with shannon for another school-night on the town. i will write more soon but for now, i leave you with this: i'm thinking seriously about a boy-cott.

'Tis the Season

2005-10-21T18:26:00.000-04:00

i've really been paying attention to the weather of late. the change from summer to fall seems to be complete and the leaves have begun their descent. i now walk to work in the dark although it is still light upon my return and i quite enjoy the briskness. i've always loved the fall but this is not what has inspired this entry. this is the first fall, since 2001, that i have actually been in ontario for the true change in seasons and i forgot how much i love it!

for a number of reasons this autumn has actually inspired a great deal of reflection. i returned to canada last october and i believe that my return from wales truly marked the beginning of my most temultuous year yet. and now, finally, as the weather turns cold, i feel like i am finally ready to move on and enjoy whatever comes next.

there is a certain amount of confidence that comes from overcoming the daily trials and tribulations of life. perhaps i am coming to this realization late in life but i suppose that just getting here is the important part. in twelve months i've been deemed worthy of a masters degree then slogged through the lows of unemployment; i've had my heart broken and, albeit somewhat tentatively, put myself back on the market; i've left good friends around the world and reconnected with people i love at home; and i feel like a better person for it.

i'm still figuring things out, but i suspect that process is never done. so for now i will continue on this path, even there is no endpoint in sight, and, at the very least, take pleasure in the change of seasons.

The Slut Clap and Other Stories

2005-10-15T14:26:00.000-04:00

i wasn't kidding in the last post about how my life is either painfully boring or massively busy. at least i am on the busy side of things now and as such i am having a hard time remembering all the funny things that have happened recently. i suppose i should go chronologically.

on wednesday night taryn, shannon, and i rocked the roots show at the docks. arguably mid-week drinking has its downside (mostly the waking up to go to work the next day) but we paid no heed and started sometime around 6. the show started off awesome; the place was full of dudes (bbc!) and we were feeling good. we were hanging out by the fluorescent palm trees when this little man decided he'd taken a shining to shannon. although she admired his wee jacket he was a bit of a weirdo, but amusing. trying to pick up with questions such as 'so, you been to a bar before?' wasn't going to work so he aimed to impress by showing off his flat head. he was able to balance a beer can on it. needless to say it didn't turn out well for him!

i ended up leaving the show early. instead of a break between sets most of the group left the stage and there was a long percussion interlude. its not that i hate drumming since i feel it plays an important role in musical ensembles but i really really don't enjoy drum solos. especially 15 minute drum solos but by the time the rapping started again, and i was started to enjoy myself more, i sort of realized that i had better get the eff out of there. if i had just had to go to work the next day i probably would have stuck it out but i knew that thursday was going to be busy and i needed the sleep.

although i didn't do yom kippur (synagogue or fasting) i still went to my aunt and uncle's to break the fast. not terribly exciting but nice. i like seeing everyone and having a good meal at the same time. the downside was that i was still pretty tired from the night before.

yesterday i came home from work to the perfect phone message: melissa telling me that she and mark were going to scruffy's for a couple of after-work pints and nachos! obviously i joined them and we just ate and drank until shannon got there around 8-ish. it was around that point that things start getting hazy but shannon and i have been collaborating today to fill in the rest of the picture.

we went down to the madison and, shortly after melissa left, were joined by a posse from k-dub (as opposed to k-town). and by 'posse' i really mean steve and dale, although at some point in the evening i ended up on the phone with steve's brother scotty who, according to dale, was really hot.

i recall a lengthy discussion about "t-bars" and how steve was the self-proclaimed underwear police, including sound effects. dale was adamant in his hatred of kingston (shitston) but mostly because "the ambassador hotel sucks." and after looking at the jacket of another patron steve decided he was going to take shannon on a date to varsity blues. then he fell off the bench.

if you are in the mood for that sort of atmosphere the madison can be a hilarious place to go out. dudes outnumber the ladies and there is always something funny going on. at our table there was a great deal of pointing and shouting (and subsequent embarassment on our part) as the guys loudly beckoned our server by calling him "hung". at one point steve threatened put his balls on the table so we could see his brazilian. thankfully that plan got kiboshed!

later on shannon and i ended up going to pizza pizza and into a whole other realm of crazy. the simple act of buying some spicy sauce for the guys in line behind us ensured our entertainment for the rest of the night. we were offered a night of oral pleasure from jeff, the familiar looking guy with close-set eyes, and ray(?) ate pizza off the table. shannon ended up getting nuzzled while i was simply put in a headlock. basically it was the perfect end to the perfect evening!

if only this morning hadn't been quite so rough ...

Lamest Long Weekend Ever

2005-10-10T11:52:00.000-04:00

so i've been having issues with writer's block the past couple of days. i wanted to update the blog, i had ideas going through my head, and when it actually came down to writing i froze. weird eh? especially since this should not be a particularly stressful endeavor. i like writing, i like myself, put those two elements together and we have what should be a champion project. but this writing gig is harder than one would think.

so its monday morning, i'm watching ellen, and its like 'memories of unemployment' over here! everyone is still off celebrating thanksgiving and i am just puttering around the house. this is my third day of puttering and it is growing tiresome. remarkably i've managed to accomplish almost nothing this weekend, although i've had all the time in the world. i did what i love doing though, hit up the library and some bookstores, a couple of music stores, and downloaded that new showcase series 'weeds'. even with those activities i was pretty bored. it turns out i don't do well with too much time alone, i need structure and order in my life.

when i lived in scotland i had nothing but time on my hands. even when i was at work i was mostly just on my own getting stuff done. i had two days a week in glasgow to rock out and socialize with people my own age but that wasn't enough. by the time matt showed up i was totally mental. and granted, a weekend alone doesn't compare to three months in scottish solitude, but i think i have a lower tolerance for boredom these days. so what did i do? i weaseled my way into an invitation to matt's house. he was sick, i was bored, it seemed like a good solution. we ate soup and watched 'shaun of the dead'. then i went home.

but while i was there i couldn't help but notice two record players in his living room. to premise this i should tell you about the disc my grandfather gave me last week. in 1934 someone from his family sent a recorded message to someone else in his family on this metal disc that is supposed to be played on a gramaphone. obviously he was really curious to find out what was on the record and i was more than willing to help out. so i sent an email to the two people in my life that i thought might have, or have access to, a record player (gramaphones are really hard to come by these days) and waited to see if either of them might be able to help me out. michael responded in the negative and matt didn't resond at all.

but now, with his help, i am going to be able to solve this mystery! i doubt that the record is very good quality, and it is unlikely that the message will be profound, but it should be interesting to hear one of my dead relatives talk to another dead relative.

Finally, a Proper Update

2005-10-05T14:15:00.000-04:00

i'm trying to figure out what to write but i just ate a massive bowl of chicken soup with kreplach and my stomach is so full of liquid that my brain is not functioning at full capacity! and i love that i so often blame my stupidity on food, both the abundance and lack of, depending on the circumstances.

anyway, i had a great extended weekend in kingston. my mom and eight other women from the community had their bat mitzvahs on saturday night and my grandmother, aunt and uncle came down for the event. some of you may be wondering why a woman in her mid-fifties would be having a bat mitzvah and i can assure you that it was a somewhat unusual situation. the reality is that bat mitzvahs are a relatively new phenomenon and that majority of older women would not have had the opportunity to participate in the ceremony when they were twelve.

it was apparent that the women had worked exceedingly hard to put the whole thing together and it was quite a meaningful affair. mom was the valedictorian of the bat mitzvah class (she says it was because she missed the class when they picked and this was her punishment, but i don't believe her) and she did a great job. but anyone who knows her knows she loves an audience!

it was awesome to have my grandmother in kingston for the night. its not often that she gets a chance to leave her house, let alone toronto, for any extended period of time and she was as giddy as i've ever seen her. she went back to toronto with my aunt and uncle after brunch but she's called at least twice since to say how proud she is of my mom and all of us.

adele and i did some serious shopping sunday afternoon and i finally got new roots sweatpants. although i was excited to have new sweats i am pretty sure taryn will be even more excited that i will be wearing pants that don't bare my butt to the world!

monday afternoon my family nerded out. and not even the whole family, just the siblings. we planned an outing to the kingston prison museum which was awesome! although there are only five rooms we made the trip last a couple of hours. you might notice in the picture that rebecca appears to be smiling through the hole of an old torture device (she was in a coffin shaped box that would have been used for a hideous solitary confinement punishment) but shortly thereafter the smiling turned into muffled shrieks as michael locked her in! it was funny ... for me.

and the rest of the trip home can be described best with the word (words?) "over-indulgence." two turkey dinners (and a turkey lunch), stuffing, challah, and a load of decadent desserts. if he hadn't already met with unfortunate circumstances dr. atkins would have been pissed. it was a carb bonanza interspersed with, well, more carbs.

but that is what the holidays are all about right? good food, good family and time to reflect on the years past and future.

oh, and for those of you that were wondering about this year's shofar performance i would probably give it a 6 out of 10. the notes were clear but oddly high-pitched, and i am pretty sure i could've honked out a better tekiah gedaliah, but i say that as one of the ladies in the nosebleed section. i'm not even allowed on the bimah to back up my claim!

A Quick Note ...

2005-10-04T15:05:00.000-04:00

its been commented on that i haven't written in a while. nay, that i've actually gone backwards in my blogging by erasing a message. and to that person i say that my life fluctuates between tediously boring and exceptionally busy, both aspects being exemplified this past week making writing difficult. and i guess i just felt weird writing about my own boobs. it seemed like a good idea for a few hours and then i turtled.

i'm still in kingston right now, celebrating and repenting. every stereotype about jews and cooking has been fulfilled during my short visit home and i can barely keep my fingers moving as my body struggles to process the vast quantities of food i've consumed. i can't actually write a whole lot right now as i have some visiting to do, but here are some of things you can look forward to in my upcoming posting:

- a lovely, albeit partially geriatric, bat mitzvah
- locking my sister in the box
- the blowing of the shofar and
- new sweatpants!

its been a good weekend and you will hear all about it soon.

A Day of Advances and Setbacks

2005-09-28T17:01:00.000-04:00

i think it was sometime mid-morning when i looked down and developed a whole new fascination with my boobs. i don't know if it was the shirt i was wearing or just the angle i could see them at but they really grabbed my attention for the rest of the day. for those of you who know me pretty well you will recognize this as an advancement in my life, just by virtue of my expressed dislike for tits prior to yesterday. I don't want to belabour the point here but i will say that i was feeling pretty good about this breakthrough.

now onto the setback! a cute boy caught my eye on the subway going home last night. still feeling good about the tit thing i smiled back. he was tall and dark with shaggy coiffed hair. hot. as we approached st.clair the dude went for my hand and motioned that he wanted my phone number. this is when things fell apart. in the position of having to make a snap decision i obviously turtled. unfortunately i am all to aware of my track record (when given the option of two things i will ALWAYS pick the wrong one) but there's naught i can do about it now.

alright, i gotta jet to work.

Can I Have A Blow On Your Shofar?

2005-09-26T21:54:00.000-04:00

taryn, shannon and i just got back from a taping of popcultured with elvira kurt. there were literally 23 people in the audience, 11 of whom worked for the show. it was really funny though. we are going to have to watch it tonight if only to hear ourselves guffaw. and maybe to catch a glimpse of the ginger leprechaun that got the audience going. at least we went home with a load of comic books. and taryn got some lube and chocolate teeth.

i love spur of the moment evenings like this. like on friday night taryn brought shannon home with her and we decided that pre-dinner drinks were in order. shannon couldn't be arsed to actually sit up to drink so we fashioned her a long straw. it was a pretty good plan until the vodka started squirting all over the table from where the straws met up. then she told my uncle that she thought my cousin was hot, but a bit of a player. its ok, i wasn't massively embarrassed. we ended up at the good bite for dinner, caused a bit of a ruckus, and shannon passed out on the couch at 9.30. we are so hard-core!

the weekend was actually pretty quiet. did some clothes shopping (needed a new outfit for my mom's bat mitzvah) and went to my cousin's engagement party. although i had a really nice time with the family i missed out on the debauchery of daniel's birthday. i'm not complaining, just stating the facts.

i was trying to tell shannon and taryn about the blowing of the shofar but it ended up being one of those conversations that goes horribly awry. taryn thought that it was kind of like communion and that everyone "got a whack at it" and they both wondered if the rabbi took requests. i don't know if they got it that there aren't really any notes and that, as hard as he tried, the rabbi probably wouldn't be able to pull off drop it like its hot. but it really would be something to see the rabbi rock out to snoop on one of the holiest days of the year.

Doing My Best to Stay Clean

2005-09-22T12:53:00.000-04:00

and i don't mean that in any sort of Kate-Moss-Trying-To-Keep-My-Modeling-Contracts-and-Nose-Cartilage sort of way. in a much more literal sense. our superintendent, who just might be the nicest lady ever, was upset by the wear-and-tear on our bathtub and decided that it was time for it to be refinished. we thought this plan was fine, especially when she said it would only be out of commission for 24 hours. unfortunately the date of the bathtub-finishing coincided with melissa moving onto our couch, and 24 hours turned into three days. so i am literally trying to stay as clean as possible because i have to seek showers elsewhere.

i don't actually have much to tell of late. i'm still not sure how i feel about that whole "working for a living" thing. i mean, it has its upsides (i have somewhere to live, food to eat, money to buy things) but it definitely has its downsides too (the biggest one being that i actually have to show up everyday). i'm getting used to it and i am finally busy enough at work that i am not pulling my hair out with boredom. and the boys i have worked with are funny so at least there is some entertainment value.

today joe and i are attempting to write all of our e-mail correspondence in the form of poems. at first i was aiming high and going for iambic pentameter but quickly realized that i don't actually know what that means and rhyming couplets are a lot easier. i have to say, some of our emails are works of genius ... not in any sort of shakespearean way but i hear shakespeare is overrated. (for all you shakespeare buffs that are trolling the internet looking for shakespeare-related blogs i was joking. please do not send me angry letters.)

i was going to leave you with one of my poems but then i realized that i had overwhelmed myself, almost to the point of tears, with my own nerdiness. so i leave you with nothing. except this:

fanny-packs appear to be making a comeback. discuss.

Another Week Down

2005-09-17T07:43:00.000-04:00

i'm not really sure what direction this blog entry will take me. it hasn't been a particularly interesting week but my mom requested an update so i am going to deliver. unfortunately i am having a difficult time coming up with a theme.

i've spent this week trying to get through Michael Chabon's the final solution. 131 pages of relatively large type and i still couldn't do it. i no longer force myself through books that don't grab my attention and i think this will be added to the list of those that are returned to the library unfinished. also on this list is Christopher Hitchens' love, poverty and war. he is a fine writer and feels passionately about certain topics but there were times during my abridged reading of this collection of essays that i felt uncomfortable, and i wasn't exactly sure why. i saw him give part of an interview on TVO last night (thats a hard-core friday night eh!) and realized that i think he is a cock. so it may have been that.

one of my literary disappointments this week was going to the library to collect a book i had put on hold called this is serbia calling. Nick Hornby had recommended it and the disappointment lay in the fact that the only copy available through the toronto public library was actually in serbian.

but i have done some other stuff this week. more interesting stuff. on wednesday i met up with shannon, taryn and james for dinner. we went out for thai and were one of the first parties to show up and one of the last to leave. we had a great night just catching up and having a squawk. well, james didn't really squawk so much as just listen to us and enjoy! i hope.

it was really nice though. as of yesterday shannon is officially done with the practice of law! i am so proud of her and her ability to balls-out create a totally different path for her life. we were going to go out and celebrate with her last night but she ended up having a late dinner with kr, my buddy brian from work came over, and we never made it out. oops.

anyway, i'm going to go out and grab some breakfast. coffee and a globe! i've got a day ahead of me.

and mom, if you want to know whats going on with me, and i haven't updated the blog, feel free to call.

A Quiet Weekend of Contemplation

2005-09-11T22:08:00.000-04:00

i'm wrapping up one of those rare weekends that are now few and far between. taryn went to kingston after work on friday leaving me with two days of solitude. the enormity of the situation immediately drove me to the bottle. i called adele and we headed out on the town. we hit up a couple of places before going to the rivoli to play some pool. i am a diabolical pool player but apparently, after a few drinks, i am the master of the fluke shot.

i enjoyed the weather saturday morning as i walked around the neighbourhood completing errands. on a whim i picked up a couple of books at the library, based entirely on their aesthetics, then did some grocery shopping and holed up in the house with a big cup of coffee and read the globe and mail cover to cover. i put on garden state, not to watch but for the background noise, and worked on the crossword. not very exciting but surprisingly nice.

one of the books i took out of the library was called the polysyllabic spree. i found the cover interesting and the resemblance of the title to the polyphonic spree struck me as interesting so i thought i would give it a go. knowing nothing about its contents i was pleasantly surprised to find that it was actually a compilation of magazine articles chronicling the book buying and reading patterns of the author. the author, as it turned out, was none other than nick hornby, and the periodical he was writing for was the believer, the magazine published by mcsweeney's.

it was one of those rare books that i couldn't seem to put down. i generally enjoy nick hornby's writing but this one was particularly identifiable. perhaps its because i also chronicled my book-reading for a year, although i never had the room or the disposable income to purchase mass amounts of literature. nor have i ever been able to write something concise and eloquent that would appeal to the masses. but this book left me inspired to try.

i found this collection both comforting and frustrating. there are so many books that i want to read, that i know i should read, but haven't gotten around to yet. and in the grand scheme of things i still have plenty of time. i'm young and literate so i guess the world is my oyster but by the end of the polysyllabic spree my holds list at the library had grown exponentially and i realized that i'll never actually read all this stuff. but does it really matter? probably not. hornby is a professional writer who can, theoretically and legitimately, devote days to reading and writing, whereas i am a lowly wage-earner doing my best to keep my mind active on my off-time because i am no longer allowed to use the power of independent thought during my working hours.

so i guess thats it then. i will do the only things i can: read what i want to read, write when i feel inspired, and do my best to balance that with a proper life that includes going out, seeing people, and actually doing stuff. eloquent eh?

Suppose it is True After All? What Then?

2005-09-07T15:23:00.000-04:00

is it a sin to want to save one people more than another? the latest religious pamphlet, again received at the corner of bay and bloor (gluttony, lust, pride, avarice, envy), had a special insert indicating that they had a "priority concern for the Jewish community."

it warmed my heart a little bit to realize that perhaps there were people out there praying for my heathen soul, neglected after all these years. and then it made me a little bit sad because i thought of all the other religious, and non-religious, people that, for one reason or another, have also not embraced jesus and are clearly of lesser priority.

who is going to pray for them?

Are We Old?

2005-09-06T20:56:00.000-04:00

as shannon and i drove up to the cottage i looked at her and asked "when did it become fun to hang out with parents?" not even just our parents. we have taken to hanging out with any parents that are available.

this last weekend we managed to hit up four different cottages, a record in my books. we started off spending the night at ted and dorothy's cottage, where we hung out with shannon's grandparents and old law school friends of ted's. we relaxed by the lake and filled the day with alcohol and naps. over dinner ted and michael regaled us with tales of their debaucherous youth while andrew and marta adjusted their hearing aids to catch glimpses of the conversation. as we were discussing how we all lie to our doctors when they ask us how much we drink marta looked confused. as a way to summarize the conversation dorothy leaned over the table, and yelled as concisely as possible, "WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HOW MUCH WE DRINK." they just smiled and pretended they knew what was going on.

we drove down the lake to visit jackson, his friends, and his dad and dora after dessert. i think the parents there were the drunkest and definitely provided us with loads of entertainment. one of jackson's friends was also called sarah and dora abruptly decided that we were the 'sarah sluts.' not one to take away the fun i neglected to mention how un-slutty i actually am. i thought it might break her heart.

we all trekked over to another cottage for a bit of a jam session and more beer (not for shannon mind you, she was driving). it was pretty cool out and given that no-one actually knew any words to the songs i wasn't having a massive amount of fun. shannon, jackson and i ended up going back to his place and hanging out for another hour, which was awesome.

we drove up to my cottage the next day, making a minor detour to see an advertised historical plaque. it sucked in terms of what it represented but did not, in any way, take away my love of historical plaques.

at the cottage we just napped and lazed about until my parents got back from massachusetts. a couple of bottles of wine later shannon and i were basically interviewing marilyn and david about the secrets of a good relationship. and what actually constitutes a lie at the beginning of a relationship. for example, if one party expresses interest in the other, and the other party says nothing, then leaves the country to visit another girl but isn't into it, is that a lie? there was a difference of opinion on that one.

at the end of the evening my mom just handed us an O magazine and let us learn the ways of love from that. the next day the group of us took turns reading advice from doctor phil. i don't think my dad loved the assigned reading but played along with the girls!

shannon and i jumped in the lake on monday morning because it is probably going to be our last chance this season. its actually starting to get pretty cold at night but the weather was great the whole weekend. we had to bus it back to toronto but we traded ipods and tuned out for most of it. all in all the weekend was exactly what i wanted. i chilled out, read loads and caught up on my sleep. and i got to hang out with loads of parents!!!

C'mon

2005-09-01T08:19:00.000-04:00

judging by the comment left on my last posting it seems that someone disagrees with me. which is fantastic! but if you are going to publicly dissent at least have the balls to leave your name.

and, for the record, there is a fundamental difference between writing what i believe on my own personal blog site (an address given only to family and friends, although the public is free to seek it out) and standing on a corner recruiting for a cause. especially when my beliefs encompass an aversion to any sort of proselytizing.

My Favourite Type of Fear-Mongering

2005-08-30T08:28:00.000-04:00

a new religious fanatic has decided to pass out pamphlets outside of my office. granted, i have a soft spot for him and his albino ways but still, there is no place for that in public, even if he is part of one of the most comical and hypocritical faiths (jews for jesus). today's pamphlet, which obviously i took, was entitled 'so just how do they kosher a pickle?' although i was disappointed to find that there were no actual laws of kashrut contained within. as it turns out (and i never would have predicted this), the question was redundant because really we should just embrace jesus to save our souls from eternal damnation! sweet religious fear-mongering.

i understand that the certain religions include the obligation to spread the word and recruit for the cause but that leaves me with a general feeling of suspicion. i just can't get onboard with the concept of a diety that is so judgmental as to permanently damn people to hell, literally, just for being born into particular circumstances. wouldn't a benevolent lord that judges people on their actions and their deeds on earth, regardless of the religious path they are on, be easier to worship? and, at the very least, how cocky are these guys on the street that think that they can tell me what to believe? as if i am so morally bankrupt that i am just going to take advice from the religious dude, standing next to the raving homeless person, because he handed me a flourescent green pamphlet.

'God only accepts "Kosher" people into heaven & Jesus is in the business of "Koshering" people!'

Your Bed Does NOT Look Like A Dance Floor

2005-08-28T09:47:00.000-04:00

we had taryn's birthday celebration yesterday and it turned out to be an interesting event. the day started off slowly because we were both a bit on the sick side. we had a good bite breakfast and did some shoe shopping. then taryn spent four hours watching dodgeball and the dodgeball special features! it was raining outside so i was pretty happy to curl up in bed and watch a couple of episodes of the west wing season four (i love it!). after that we played a game of trivial pursuit and for some reason the questions were ridiculously hard. had i followed baseball religiously throughout the eighties and nineties i'm sure i would have been a rock star though. taryn put on a dance show for me and was step-ball-changing and plie-ing across the living room!

after we got dressed we met allie in kensington for dinner at supermarket. it was sort of an asian tapas sort of place and the food was delicious. too bad the service was absolute garbage. i mean, diabolical. but i'd still probably go back. ben met us after we were done dinner but the kitchen closed at ten so he couldn't order anything for dessert.

shannon and kr joined us at the velvet underground although kr had to go home relatively early. taryn wasn't feeling well and disappeared to the bathroom for a while. we were a bit worried but she eventually returned and claimed to feel fine. the v.u. wasn't particularly eventful although shannon was teaching me her ways with the men. she ended up chatting some little british-indian up while i was giving the eyes to a flaming homosexual, just for the practice.

we got the cab to drop us at yonge and eg because we thought that street-meat might be in order but it was not to be. a group of guys we met on the street kindly invited us over to their place for grilled cheese. we took them up on the offer and were subsequently disappointed when they didn't even have bread. they tried to lure us upstairs for a dance party but the "dance floor" turned out to be some dude's bed so we made our exit. they were totally ridiculous.

p.s. i came on the perrier!

Urologic Kingdom: a photographic phantasmagoric experience

2005-08-25T22:01:00.000-04:00

i finally got the pics from last weekend! i'm not going to explain them all because, quite frankly, either you were in them and you know what was going on or you weren't and you probably don't care. enjoy!

Random Acts of Comedic Violence

2005-08-24T09:46:00.000-04:00

it happened to me again this morning. standing on the subway, minding my own business, rocking out a little bit to louis xiv when out of nowhere an otherwise unsuspicious woman punched me. not terribly hard, and not in the mouth or neck, but it was definitely a straight shot.

i am adding it to my list: straight-arms by friends and strangers, a smack on the ass at yonge and eg, one particular incident involving both a quasi-headlock and some grinding, and now getting punched. and people think toronto is safe. hmpf!

i do enjoy the comedy of it all though. before i got put into the headlock i remember catching a glimpse of shannon laughing until tears rolled down her face. i guess if i'm going to get hurt someone else might as well enjoy the show!

One HC, Going Cheap

2005-08-23T07:56:00.000-04:00

my hlp has a "hot carl" she would like to get rid of. if a divorced, recovering drug-addict with verbal diarrhea is the one thing missing from your life let me know and i can hook something up. ask about his quesadilla.

The First One a Number the Second Spelled Out

2005-08-22T09:36:00.000-04:00

last night i returned home from my long weekend at the cottage, and now my morning coffee is helping me get over the tiredness. michael and adele took loads of pictures but i haven't got them yet so they will be posted later. but you should look forward to me as a wizard. its awesome.

james and i made it to the cottage around 9.30 and our first game of trivial pursuit started shortly thereafter. i'm not entirely sure how it happened but the game turned out to be a pretty drunken event. although dave and i didn't win i have to say that we put on an impressive display. we got "i'm a doleman" but missed "viagara falls," which was a bit of a disappointment, but i think the funniest wrong answer had to be given by rob and adele. the question was something along the lines of "which 7 000 000 residents of new york have sex up to 20 times a day?" the answer, obvious to the rest of us, was "rats" but they spent quite a while deliberating between bunnies and hookers. in the end they went with bunnies. it was a big mistake.

friday was cool and rainy and i had a hard time sleeping in. mostly i just spent the morning reading magazines and lounging in the family room that the boys had converted into a studio. when risk made its first appearance adele and i took our cue to leave. we drove out to shannon's cottage to have a visit with her, robin and kalen. k regaled us with camp stories and we left tempted to go home, put on a fireball shirt, and build a fort to play board games in.

we stopped in westport on the way back to pick up some necessities: a robertson screwdriver, some fake cheese, and fireworks. they were not used in combination.

we ate a big barbecue dinner and the band had a jam/recording session for most of the evening. james, adele and i played some more trivial pursuit (james won with the help of his vast knowledge of sports trivia) and i think you can hear the shouts of "bernie parent" in their recordings.

the rest of the fam came up to the cottage on saturday to spend the day lounging and eating. rebecca painted my toenails a hideous combination of pink and red and shane fell in the lake. comedy! the weather was still sort of garbage so dave and i spent at least an hour working on the globe and mail crossword. i love a good nerd-out. actually, i think i'm going to retract that sentence because even though i love nerdy things, spending a rainy afternoon at the cottage reading mcsweeney's and doing word puzzles isn't even nerdy, its just awesome.

people were telling travel stories over dinner and peru was a bit of a hot topic since my parents just got back. i think it was when shane said "i'd really like to go to peru but dave's already been" that i knew they were officially h.l.p's. dave was quicker to embrace the "heterosexual life partner" than shane was but i think in the end they were both on board. i enjoy that the term is starting to catch on. and, for the record, it really isn't a bad thing.

after m, d, and r left we went for a little late-night swim. the water was cool but perfectly calm and it was just generally a really nice night. we busted out the cranium when we got back and although the questions were ludicrously easy (save for the manet) we had a good laugh. james did a hilarious rendition of puff the magic dragon that michael couldn't get enough of. i'm sure in the near future there will be a recorded version of what michael thought he heard. and rob just seemed marginally disgruntled. "i have a french name, i'm a lady, and i may as well be a bollywood actress." is the answer "marie antoinette"?

and yesterday was just more of the same. eating, hanging out and just general chillaxing. shane, dave and michael went for a canoe ride and came back with a crayfish in a t-shirt. they were pretty excited about it but i'm pretty sure my dad was just waiting for them to leave so he could return it to the lake. its not like they were going to do anything with it other than put it in a bucket and feel proud of themselves for their prowess.

we all made our way back to the city last night and i hope everyone agrees with me that it was a totally solid weekend. i was exposed to the "war of the worlds" rock opera that shane grew up listening to on family trips. its overwhelmingly cheesy but at the same time fabulous! i'm pretty sure that michael will love it when he hears it.

now i'm at work, thinking about creating a chart to illustrate the differences between ian mckellan and richard harris. or maybe i should do some actual work.

p.s. rk, good luck with the mouth!

And Then I Lost My Shoe

2005-08-18T11:53:00.000-04:00

i'm not going to lie. this has been a pretty shite week in general. from working twelve days in a row to ending a two-year relationship the last thing i needed was to lose my running shoes. but somehow i did. i'm pretty sure i still had them when i was near yonge and montgomery (where i had stopped to read my favourite historical plaque on the way to work) and i thought they were still there at the bank machine in the subway station but i am guessing, by the fact that i no longer own running shoes, that they were not.

i had to be at work at 7.40 today which isn't too terrible because i will leave early in lieu. i am going straight from work to the bus station, then kingston, and then the cottage, which i am very excited about. i was more excited when i still had all my footwear but apparently that was a dream that could not be fulfilled.

i'm going to list some dreams that i do hope come true today:

- the dream of a seat alone on the bus
- the dream of not getting berated at work for dairy-related mishaps
- the dream of sleeping through the night
- the dream of a reasonably-priced pair of shoes in yorkville

on that note, i am going to quit the procrastinating and actually get some work done. and by "work" i mean "the crossword".

and by "doing the crossword" what i really meant was quasi-interviewing my friend joe that i work with. this was the challenge i put forward to him: list three things you are totally indifferent about. i tried to answer it myself and its actually pretty hard.

if anyone can come up with a really good list of things that you are actually indifferent to, let me know. as it turns out, i have feelings one way or another about almost everything.

Last Day and Last Night

2005-08-17T08:36:00.000-04:00

i went and saw gus van sant's last days last night. it really wasn't supposed to be my turn to pick the movie but somehow matt connived me into it. sneaky. on a day like yesterday, a film that ends with a guy killing himself was probably not the best choice, but at the time i really wasn't up for dancing penguins, and i'd heard that broken flowers has a disappointing ending. at least with a film about kurt cobain i pretty much knew how it was going to turn out.

it was my first gus van sant movie and i wasn't quite prepared for such minimal dialogue. there were a few particular scenes that seemed so random and drawn-out that my mind wandered. i remembered a talent show at rky where "the boys of tara and erin" decided to put on a dance routine. there was actually only one boy in the group (shawn) and he basically did a hoe-down while the girls dressed up like cowgirls and provided synchronized back-up dancing. we had picked the longest song we could find and kept up the performance for its duration. it started off pretty funny and then the laughs died. this was all part of our plan though! we danced until the whole thing was ludicrous and had gone full circle to the point of funny again. that was sort of how i felt during parts of the movie last night, particularly during the scene where the camera was focused on some grass.

there is a good chance that i didn't go into this film in the proper frame of mind. as we were walking to the subway after the show matt was discussing things like the contrasting imagery between the actors and their environment while i made poignant comments like "uh, that was the guy from dawsons right?" it was him, by the way.

its nice having a somewhat-regular movie night like this. i'd had a total garbage day at work. i got "talked to" for a variety of things that were not my fault (and some that may have been but its hard to tell) and it was nice to go out and not think about it for a while. although we did end up discussing other unpleasantries. at least in those cases my feelings were confirmed, not railed against. the highlight of the conversation last night had to be the line "yeah, i'd do something like that ... if i'd been dating hitler."

its only 8.30 and i am suspicious that today might not go any better than yesterday. but at the very least i am becoming highly motivated to find work that is less soul-sucking.

The Day All Hope Died

2005-08-14T08:20:00.000-04:00

few things make you appreciate your girl friends like the actions of, and reactions to, boys. and i think there are times when i forget how important the girls are to me until days like yesterday.

melissa threw a surprise going away party for robin. she tried to incorporate all of robin's different groups of friends and it was a really nice and interesting group of people, although we did have to trek out to ajax for it! thankfully melissa gave us a lift so we had time to hang-out and putter around before the surprise took place.

i met them at the designated pick-up point after i got off work (nothing puts a damper on a weekend quite like having to go in to work on both saturday and sunday mornings). i was in a bit of a grump from work and a hideous conversation i'd had with a particular boy that morning but i was ready to sluff it off and get on with the festivities.

of course its never that simple. as it turned out, all of us (except for allie who is an ecstatic newlywed) seemed to be in the midst of some boy drama. it was a very 'sex and the city' car ride but i was doing my best to keep mum about my dilemma. that plan was a failure. soon enough i was crying telling my story, shannon was on the verge of tears from her own tale of woe, allie was offering her best support and shannon turned around from the front seat, looked at me and said "it's sad when all hope dies." the moment was SO maudlin and depressing there was nothing to do but burst into hysterical laughter.

things got better from there. "the day that all hope died" became the theme of our evening and we were able to have a good squawk.

robin was SO surprised by the party. she had been suspicious that something had been planned for the evening but never suspected that it would be in ajax at melissa's parents. as she came out on the deck she was initially confused by tim's head peeking out from the fence. she looked around as we yelled surprise, grinned, then promptly burst into tears (as you can see from the photos). shannon caught the exact moment her face crumpled on camera and it is the saddest thing you could ever imagine during such a happy moment. i will be able to post it when she returns from her jaunt out east.

tim and genevieve very kindly gave allie, taryn and me a lift to the pickering GO station in blue steel. that car is awesome, by the way. we weren't up for a massive night out like all the people that stayed at melissa's but we weren't quite ready to go home either. taryn and i decided to surprise ben with a little visit. thankfully he wasn't in his underpants when we got there but i think we were a distraction from the studying he was supposed to be doing.

their wedding pictures are beautiful and ben and allie have done very well with the gift certificates they received. ben has so many great qualities and i have to say that one is of them is that he is a fantastic shopper. he even managed to do william ashley well. and now i know what a mandolin is (thank you rat!).

the moral of today's story is that yesterday had the potential to be a disaster. it was saved by my friends who aren't phased by the odd burst of tears and who can make me laugh in the midst of a breakdown. tim and gen's comedic description of the male/female communication breakdown was awesome too!

its funny how progress can still be made on the day that hope died!

Sleep Not to Dream

2005-08-12T09:55:00.000-04:00

you ever wake up and find that you are totally irate with someone but you can't exactly pinpoint why? you know that the person has committed some hideous offence but you aren't entirely sure what it was. for example, walking to work this morning and i'm thinking about a friend and seething. he'd been ordering me around and caused me to miss a really fun night out because i had to sit at a bar and wait for his drinks, so that i could pay for them and bring them to him. what an asshole!

of course the anger only lasts a few minutes before you realize that it was all a dream, and the fact that you were in some sort of costume and the bar was was infinite and your grade nine boyfriend was there should have been a clear indication of this. nonetheless, it will be at least a few hours before you get over the insult of the whole thing and even think about talking to this person who has, to say the least, done nothing.

and then you go on to wonder why certain people make frequent appearances in dreams while others, people with whom you may be closer or have more actual contact with are rarely featured. i can't really explain this (obviously, or i would totally cash in!) but i do know that last night my subconscious was totally fucking with me.

The Hindu Shindig and other Craziness

2005-08-07T20:30:00.000-04:00

this weekend was a bit of a throwback! it was basically kindergarten and beyond. the primary purpose of the trip was to see renu and celebrate her engagement. but, as per usual, i decided to multitask and try to fit in as much as possible.

i took the bus in from toronto. i hate the bus but i plugged myself into my iPod and finished my book. p.s. if you want to read a good book i would recommend Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer.

andy picked me up and drove me directly to harrowsmith. harrowsmith is a hole. a small town between kingston and nowhere filled with women unable to size their bras properly or keep a bar stocked. we ordered a couple of pitchers and proceeded to select which songs we thought heather should sing at the karaoke night. thankfully she didn't actually sing because she never would have been a match for the locals who seemed to take their karaoke quite seriously. my favourite part of wycotts may have been when the drunken four-titted woman spilled beer all over andy's hair. or maybe it was the hot 18-year old called vic who was our waiter. although he was a lot hotter before we knew he was 18.

as we drove home andy and i decided to stop at the raging field party that was going on at a house on 38. it was good that we didn't because 5 cop cars showed up with their sirens on as we were pulling away. the end our our relatively blah night was exemplified by the ghetto loblaws sign that read only bla!

saturday morning i got dressed up and went to renu's engagement ceremony. despite my lack of tutelage in sanskrit and hindi the ceremony was interesting and renu looked beautiful. and the small children that laboured for days creating her sari must be given due credit. they did a wonderful job. the food was great, the weather was perfect and it was really nice to see renu and co.

the engagement event lasted about seven hours and andy and i were pretty tired by the end. we decided to have a quiet evening with heather and megan but obviously that wasn't going to happen. on the way over to their place we saw a dude biking without underwear on. you can see his ass through his shorts ... look see!

we ended up at east side's craving an anti-atkins dinner. andy out-girled all of us by ordering a twist of lemon in his water and we were giddy as shit so we thought it was hilarious. thankfully our waiter had a sense of humour because things went downhill from there. andy ended up with a plain pizza and my fettucine alfredo was full of pineapple. i nearly choked on my pasta and heather was rotting from the inside ... as per usual. we were all wearing matching outfits and i had some serious concerns about bees. in the end i was charged $2.50 for the extra pineapple in my pasta and because of the numerous fiascos i got my meal for free!

we left east sides and followed a crazy man on a scooter for a bit. then we decided to cruise the strip looking for hot dudes. mostly we ended up in a scummy bathroom by the ferry terminal having to pee SO bad it didn't matter that the womens was out of service and the toilet in the mens stopped flushing and all of our pee mingled. andy was the only one who was hit on all night, but at least with a wicked line - "i like your hair." kingston can be a pretty boring town at night but we managed to entertain ourselves by heckling the people on the haunted walk.

today andy and i went up to my cottage for the morning. a lovely chilled-out day with my parents. i love it up there and the water was beautiful. i am thinking that i have to spend more time in the woods and less time at functions. that's my new plan!

What. The. Eff.

2005-07-31T19:10:00.000-04:00

i don't usually write two posts on one day but an event occurred that definitely warrants this.

taryn and i were up for a bit of a wander this afternoon and thought that since we were on our way to the dominion anyway we might as well try to figure out where jamie's pool is. i've been looking to find some iron-on transfer paper and i knew that he would have some leads and we thought that knowing someone in the 'hood that has the power to let us swim is never a bad thing.

so we gambled on which building he works at and were pleasantly surprised when i peered through the cage and saw jamie sitting out lifeguarding. we were just chatting and hanging out when out of the building comes none other than COREY HAIM.

he was hanging out with a buddy but definitely there to see jamie. since he was behind me and t he just motioned to jamie. jamie, not actually having anything on him was like, "sorry man, i don't have anything now, i'll try to hook you up but ... " he didn't sound particularly interested in the whole thing but corey haim was like "bro, you know, just like let me know when you get hooked up." jamie sort of nodded and said he'd do what he could. so corey haim says "dude, i'll just give you my number and you can give me a call" and he writes on a piece of paper: COREY HAIM and his phone number.

like there was ANY way possible that jamie was going to forget that corey haim gave him his phone number. taryn and i were just happy that we witnessed the most ridiculous interaction ever. we honestly couldn't even look at each during the whole thing because of the laughs we were trying to keep inside.

anyway, to answer the title question of the Thrills song "Whatever Happened to Corey Haim?" i would have to say: he got fat and lives in an apartment down the street from me, apparently trying to get pot from the lifeguard at his tiny pool that overlooks a parking lot and a public high school. hot.

You Will Not Join a Harem!

2005-07-31T15:39:00.000-04:00

this blog is getting a bit predictable, i recognize that. very little
happens during the week and apart from the odd rant i am not
particularly motivated to write. mostly i want to make it through the
week as quietly as possible in order to make the most of my weekends.
hence, i prefer to spin my yarns and tell you my tales on sundays.
the downside is that sundays are also the day my brain only works at
forty percent capacity. regardless, i will push on through ...

last friday was all about going downtown, catching up with old
friends, and rocking out! taryn and i headed down to jamie's house to
hang out, listen to some tunes and get ready for our night out. he
regaled us with a tale of fat corey haim who swims at the pool where
he lifeguards. apparently looking to score some pot corey was
chatting jamie up while his ragged girlfriend looked on. what a long
way from the glory days of "the lost boys" and "license to drive."

then we rocked the death from above 1979 show. we got there a little
bit early hoping to see seb, which we did, but since he was hanging
out with his mom we just hung out and got a few drinks in. taryn and
i were lurked by a crazy dude with black overalls and long stringy
hair covered by a harley davidson painter cap. unable to decipher
anything he said to us we made a point of being very very interested
in the markings on the bar. anything to avoid further eye contact.

the actual show was awesome. being too short to see anything that was
going on onstage, besides the odd glimpse of seb and jesse's heads, i
just enjoyed the sound and really got into it. it was wicked to see
everyone getting so involved. according to the tall people i was
standing near seb took his shirt off fairly early but sported his
short-shorts and jaunty cap the whole way through. i can't confirm
that of course since i couldn't see jack.

we ended up being able to catch up with seb a bit after the show when
his fans were done with him. he didn't sign my tits (like i
"jokingly" asked him to) which was probably a good thing since i had a
pretty swanky saturday night.

ben and allie got married at canoe yesterday. after a day spent with my family, getting yelled at by my grandparents for being disgracefully single and in my mid-twenties, i was ready to enjoy the company of people who were less concerned about my relationship status.

i'm pretty sure my mom was drunk before the hors d'oeuvres were out and i erroneously thought that laing might be a responsible friend and get her to keep a lid on things. it was a big mistake. but at the very least it gave drew and i a more interesting topic in common apart from just international politics and big brother.

the ceremony was awesome and perfectly suited ben and allie. they looked gorgeous and it seemed as though everyone was having an amazing time. i was seated beside julia during dinner and we had a great time catching up. although that was interrupted by my mother accusing me of discretions that allegedly occured somewhere around grade 11. bizarre.

in discussing her upcoming move to dubai robin mentioned to my parents
that she might just marry an oil tycoon and live it up in the middle
east. not in a state to recognize "sarcasm" or "comedy" my mom took
it upon herself to vehemently advise robin to "not join a harem." as
it turned out my dad seemed to be more pro-harem than i would have
expected.

taryn and i ended up getting a ride home with vanessa and andy. i
don't know if she was trying to earn her keep but t took it upon
herself to squeegee the car before we left the parking lot. it wasn't
that dirty! my mom on the other hand went home to throw up and vow
never to drink, yet again!

ok, here are some memorable quotes from the weekend:

"don't worry, its just my guitar" - said to taryn after being
straight-armed on the subway
"she's got some bubbles in her tink-tank" - said by chris after
ordering a ginger ale for wendy
"hey seb, sign my tits"
"i think you should go with the peer-pressure" - said by my dad when i
was torn between going home or drinking more

A Letter Regarding Scott Speedman

2005-07-29T09:48:00.000-04:00

dear scott speedman fans:

to be honest with you, i was not even the person who spotted him. my
friend was the one who noticed that he was there. and it was not a
very exciting star spotting either. we mostly just recognized that it
was him, went to the bar where he was, and very very carefully, in the
most canadian way possible, tried to catch a glimpse of him without
drawing any sort of attention to ourselves or to the fact that we were
trying to look at a famous person. and most definitely we did not
want him to know that we were looking at him. no one wants that on a
night out. i assume. we were doing our best to be subtle
cool-dude-teens!

and yes, toronto is a fantastic city. i am growing to love it more
and more every day. we actually saw SS at a bar down near queen and
spadina but i have no idea what the place was called. sorry.

well, i think that is enough about him. sorry it isn't a more juicy
tale but it really was a very small and insignificant part of a great
night out!

sak

Learning More Each Day ...

2005-07-26T22:42:00.000-04:00

tonight taryn beat me home from work as per usual and i scrounged
through the fridge for some "dinner." i use the term loosely since i
don't really "cook" so much as i graze. although you would be
hard-pressed to find me a food that is better than sandwiches anyway,
save for my dad's lamb chops.

so i got home from an emergency trip to the liquor store (where ran
was stocking up ... we still have some of robin's liquor cabinet in
our freezer). i've never actually seen such a sparce lcbo before, but
i guess people are stressing about the impending strike.

as i stepped through the door taryn quickly switched channels on the
telly. its not like i would have judged her for watching poker on tv.
i mean, the alternative, which we actually went with for a while, was
"so you want to be a hilton" or whatever that show is called. don't
get me wrong, i totally want to be a hilton ... if only so that i can
stop dying inside every time i show up to perform my menial job
wherein i am not even trusted with the responsibility of managing the
few dairy products found in the office.

we discussed some potential sen5es seasonal packages for her work
tomorrow and, being the marketing genius that i am, proposed a
hobo-holiday pack that involved a harmonica, a pack of smokes, a
styrofoam cup and a sharpie all wrapped up in a foot-smelling bandana.
probably not much of a market for this holiday treat but maybe if it
came on a stick ...

the saddest thing is that the highlight of my evening was when i stepped into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. i knew taryn had
been preparing some veggies earlier in the evening but i had never seen a sight such as this. in our drying rack, amongst all our clean dishes and cutlery, was a whole head of lettuce, torn up and abundantly filling all available space. normal or not, i will let you decide, but the vision of the leafy greens triggered something in my brain.

it was hilarious.

2005-07-24T10:07:00.000-04:00

I'm the Monkey? Probably not ...

i'm not entirely sure why my body rejects sleep. i have spent countless hours, over the course of my adult life, watching crap early morning television (typically either targeted for children or morons that are unable to handle a knife) and today is no different. i'm pretty sure i got a solid five hours of sleep last night and forming sentences is not a strong point right now.

zoe and chris came up from michigan this weekend. i had two days to show them the sites of toronto, as i deemed relevant. kensington, the harbourfront, and, obviously, h&m were on the agenda. we went out on friday night, to a bar with a cool outdoor patio, and i had my first encounter with "hot carl." i'm going to say that, for the record, this hot carl was not nearly disgusting as the cleveland steamer but there was definitely some shit-talking going on.

the official purpose of last night was to drink the contents of robin's liquor cabinet. always up for a challenge, but despite limited time, we gave it a go. shannon took the opportunity to dress me up for the evening, trying to emphasize the "cuteness" or something like that. i felt pretty good about it when robin and i were following scott speedman around the bar but it didn't really transform me into the monkey that shannon wants me to be.

kogore made some new friends last night too; t-bot, r2whore-bot and slut3po! united as one they will slay! alright, i made that last part up, kogore does not actually have a history of slaying but you know, it could happen ... but probably not in costume. in my experience (based on the explicit comments made by a number of ex-boyfriends) putting a box on your head and pretending to be a robot isn't "hot." not that it stops me ...

my memories of last night are a bit hazy right now. i'm thinking that the bar we went to was really fun, although daniel was complaining about the lack of hot girls. not my top concern and i think zoe and chris had fun. unfortunately i can't go back because i don't even know where we were. i do know that we lost the cab race and i ate a hotdog from the street. i know that taryn picked up a big black dude, but not his name. i know that i had to touch daniel's sweaty hair. i know that i got straight-armed again by robin. and i am pretty sure its a bit weird when there are beds in a bar. but, hypothetically, if you meet someone while you are out and neither of you have beds of your own (perhaps its a bag lady picking up a hobo) then you are sorted.

the next plan: shower, good bite, anchorman ...

Fuck Umbrellas and the People that Use Them

2005-07-17T14:19:00.000-04:00

umbrellas, second only to switzerland, top my list of irrational things that i hate. and, unlike switzerland, this irrational hate is most relevant on days like today. a warm and rainy sunday, it seems as though every pedestrian i passed made the decision that dry hair was crucial.

socially isolating and roomy, umbellas are a terribly annoying way for other people to keep dry. here in canada we are lucky to have vast outdoor space. wide sidewalks and roads allow most people to have a fair bit of personal space despite a relatively concentrated population. unfortunately this all goes to shit when people decide to tent themselves with bright nylon in a ridiculous attempt to prevent a small amount of moisture from touching their skin.

and they still get wet. its not like their personal canopy actually works. hair still frizzes and soakers still happen. wind blows water onto your legs and back and its impossible to avoid that smell of wet. nope, mostly umbrella users just take up space and ruin the view.

now don't get me started on switzerland ...

Pub Bites, Trannies and a Jew Fro

2005-07-16T23:06:00.000-04:00

so i just got home from the shwa! shannon and i spent the day drinking and playing water volleyball with daniel and his parents, who are hilarious. tales of the goodenoughs, who just weren't good enough, the jewish jewellery-trade and a mysterious treat called "pub bites" graced the night. so much fun!

last night was allie's bacheloretter party. it was a mad rush to get ready and the heat did not help. after rushing home from work i was already sweating like a beast. we started off at the pony bistro where we had a summerlicious meal and many a bevvy. deceptively open, our dining area was actually a stifling tropical zone of humidity. allie seemed to delight in the massive pepper mill that was left in our room, much to the chagrin of the servers who may have been inconvenienced by the rucus we were causing.

heading off to el convento rico allie was wearing her new hot-pink madonna t-shirt. obviously it was beautiful. the latin beats were pumping and robin brought out the game she made for the evening. sex taboo. anyone who is familiar with the normal version knows how much fun it can be. now imagine it played only with saucy words. it was a bit too loud to actually hear each other so allie spent most of the time leaning across the table and shouting her answers. my enduring image of the evening is allie, ass in the air, shouting "clitoris" at the top of her lungs. fantastic!

the trannies were great too. the show they put on was pretty fun - my highlight being when vanessa (barefoot) dragged allie up to dance with them. the whole evening was awesome but i'm not used to getting home so late. i'm such a lightweight these days! and i had to get up early this morning for a hair appointment (much needed since my hair has decided to go massively curly these days).

despite promising me that my hair would stay long, i have a sinking suspicion that my new haircut might have some mulletous qualities to it. it was too hard to tell when it was first done because of the sheer amount of product they put in but i will know soon enough!

i put up some of the best pics of last night. the lighting in the club made picture taking difficult, or else my camera is haunted. many bizarre images showed up in the pics so enjoy!

2005-07-16T14:03:00.000-04:00

Its too stinkin' hot to write right now but I will update you all with the shenanigans of last night shortly ... when my brain has stopped melting ...

2005-07-16T09:40:00.000-04:00

My First Drag Show!!!

Allie and Vanessa Rocking Out with the Queen!!!

Is it bad when a drag queen reminds you of an ex-boyfriend?

Chinese Ghosts on Allie's Head!

Sex Taboo

Can a pepper mill ever be too big? Nah ...